"Trust in the LORD and do good; dwell in the land and befriend faithfulness. Delight yourself in the LORD, and He will give you the desires of your heart. Commit your way to the LORD; trust in Him, and He will act. He will bring forth your righteousness as the light, and your justice as the noonday. Be still before the LORD and wait patiently for Him." (Psalm 37:3-7a)
As I sit by myself in a bedroom in a house in South Florida –the home of people who, two days ago, I'd never met– I have to admit that I'm a bit frustrated and confused as to why I'm here. Less than 48 hours ago, I received a phone call asking me to come to FL to be ready to go to Haiti as soon as a flight became available (at the time, it was believed we could get a flight out last night–Friday). The purpose of the trip would be to bring the orphans from Notre Maison in Port au Prince to Miami, where Catholic Charities apparently has facilities set up to care for the children. After receiving that call, I spent some time praying and getting advice as to whether or not I should go. By mid-morning, I decided that if God continued to open the doors to make it possible for me to go, I would walk through them. The next few hours are kind of a blur in my mind, but the end result was that within an hour of getting off work Thursday afternoon, I was on my way to the airport to fly to South Florida. When I arrived in FL, I was picked up at the airport by Dr. Alberto Sosa (an orthopedic surgeon that spent several days last week working in Haiti) and his wife and taken to their home. Since returning from Haiti, Dr. Sosa has been working night and day to collect medical supplies to send back down to Haiti and also to facilitate the evacuation of Haitian orphans. Over the past few days, he has appeared several times on a national Hispanic news station to talk about Haiti and the urgency of caring for the orphans; the hope is that by raising awareness, more people will get involved and thereby the ability to help the children will be increased. Dr. Sosa is hoping to go back to Haiti this weekend with Fernando del Rincón, a news reporter who is also very concerned about the plight of Haiti’s orphans, and to do a report from Notre Maison about the children. At this point, you may be wondering where I come in (actually, I’m kind of wondering, too). I knew very few details when I got on the plane in Houston; two days later, I still am unsure as to what exactly the purpose in my coming is. Dr. Sosa wanted me down here quickly so that I could be interviewed on the news about my experiences with Haitian orphans and adoptions. Though I was hoping to avoid actually having to be on TV — speaking, and particularly being in front of a camera, is way beyond my comfort zone— I did end up doing the interview last night. Though there is more I could say about that experience (and someday I really should blog about it, since now that it's over, it's fairly hilarious), let’s just say that I am thrilled to have that behind me, and if anything that came out of my mouth made sense and/or is helpful, it’s all by God’s grace and for His glory. I was a nervous wreck, and I honestly don’t remember what I said.
So that was last night. Today, I have spent the day reading my Bible and Candles in the Dark (a collection of letters by Amy Carmichael), praying, looking through the latest news out of Haiti, and waiting for a flight to open up. Midday today, I thought I was going to go, and even went partway to the airport, but that opportunity ended up falling through. And so I came back to this house, wondering why in the world God would bring me this far just to do a 3-minute television interview and to sit in the house of some very wonderful people—but people I don’t even know—with no certainty that I will even get to Haiti or be able to help in any way. I know things could change even in the next few minutes, and I could be on my way to Port au Prince within a few hours, but I have to admit that I’ve had several moments today of doubting the wisdom and necessity of making this trip. And yet, when I’m able to step back from those doubts, I still am convinced that God has me here for a reason. I don’t know what that reason is—maybe I’ll never know—and it could very well be that His plans for me don’t involve going to Haiti right now, but regardless, my time here is not and will not be wasted. If nothing else, this uncertainty and time of waiting is reminding me that everything is in God’s hands anyway; I am utterly helpless to do anything (besides pray, of course). And so, I am focusing on the verses at the beginning of this post; trying to trust and delight in the LORD, to commit myself to Him, and to be still (rather than worry) before Him. If I can do these things, and if this is “all” I get out of this little escapade, it is enough. From Candles in the Dark:
To one who felt useless,
My first feeling was to write and tell you that you are mistaken, but though I think you are, in part, I won’t write so. Instead, I will say what our heavenly Father said to me long ago, and says to me still very often: ‘See in it a chance to die.’
Perhaps the brave love of God is touching with death the “I” in you, that it may be in very truth ‘not I but Christ’. This is your heart’s desire, your deepest desire, and He counts nothing too much to do, that it may be fully fulfilled. ‘Ponder the voice of my humble desire.’ He has pondered it; He is answering it. So be of good cheer. Don’t heed the devil’s whisper about uselessness. Is he not the father of lies? Why believe a liar? God is working out a most beautiful purpose.
Now good night, and let the Lord give His beloved sleep untroubled by the unkind remarks of the enemy. Believe me, he is not at all trustworthy, and you well know your Lord is. Does He ever break His word? No, never, and He knows that you know it. ‘For Thou, Lord, hast never failed them that fear Thee.’ No, nor ever will.
