2010 reading list thus far

I learned to love books at a very young age :)

Here is the list of the books I've read during the first six months of 2010 (can you believe this year is already halfway over???). I'd love comments and/or suggestions for further reading :)

Reading List 2010

1. Across Five Aprils – Irene Hunt

2. Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland & Through the Looking Glass – Lewis Carroll

3. The Jungle Books Volume I – Rudyard Kipling

4. Candles in the Dark – Amy Carmichael

5. A Tale of Two Cities – Charles Dickens

6. Emily of New Moon – L.M. Montgomery

7. Emily Climbs – L.M. Montgomery

8. Haiti Past, Present, Future: Where is the Hope? – Timothy DeTellis

9. Dancing under the Red Star – Karl Tobien

10. Little House in the Big Woods – Laura Ingalls Wilder

11. Mary Poppins – P.L. Travers

12. The Adventures of Tom Sawyer – Mark Twain

13. No Graven Image – Elisabeth Elliot

14. Jane Eyre – Charlotte Bronte

15. The Scarlet Pimpernel – Baroness Emmuska Orczy

16. Chronicles of Avonlea – L.M. Montgomery

17. Kiss – Ted Dekker

18. The Mysterious Benedict Society – Trenton Lee Stewart

19. Wuthering Heights – Emily Bronte

20. Fearlessly Feminine – Jani Ortlund

21. The Story Girl – L.M. Montgomery

22. The Wind in the Willows – Kenneth Grahame

Currently reading:

1. Prayers of an Excellent Wife – Andrew Case

2. The Mysterious Benedict Society and the Perilous Journey – Trenton Lee Stewart

3. The Awesome Work of God – Jonathan Edwards

4. Discipline: The Glad Surrender – Elisabeth Elliot

5. Keep a Quiet Heart – Elisabeth Elliot

What I Want is You!

"Even in my own life right now, I have been unable in the decision that I've got to make to say, 'This is what the Lord wants me to do.' But what the Spirit of God has unleashed in my heart is this prayer: 'I want You! And if You're in this marriage, and if You're in this opportunity, and if You're in this financial decision, and if You're in this job opportunity, and if You're in this place, that's where I want to be! What I want is You!'" (Matt Chandler)

I'm doing a book study this summer with two of my dearest friends, Sabrina and Everly, and we're going through Discipline: The Glad Surrender by Elisabeth Elliot. Today, despite quite a number of distractions going on around us in the coffeehouse where we met, we discussed the chapter entitled "A Sovereign God and

Man's Choice." The main idea throughout this chapter is that there are two wills--God's and ours--and that, though God is sovereignly in control of every imaginable detail of life and existence, He has "arranged things in such a way that His own action is coupled with the action of men." He allows us, sinful and broken as we are, "the dignity to act in freedom and thus to have a willed part in what He does." Not only does He give us a choice as to whether or not we will act in accordance with Him, but He ALLOWS us to do just that--be participants in the incredible (and eternal!) work He is doing in our lives, in the lives of those around us, and perhaps even in the lives of people we will never meet on this earth. That is truly mind-boggling if you really stop to think about it; as David said in Psalm 8:4, "What is man that You are mindful of him, and the son of man that You care for him?" Our all-powerful God, Creator of the universe, lets us be a part of His plan. Amazing.

Along with this, Sabrina, Everly and I got to talking about our tendency to get caught up in trying to see and figure out "the big picture" (i.e. God's grand plan/His will for our lives) to the neglect of the seemingly smaller and/or mundane things of life. Speaking for myself, I frequently find myself wondering what God's plan for me is--what I'm supposed to do with my life, where I'm supposed to go, whether or not I'll get married/have kids/live overseas, etc. While it's not wrong to think about these things and even consider them to some degree, the problem is that when I become so focused on that abstract Future and begin to obsess about figuring out what God wants me to do, I quickly forget that He's already TOLD me what to do. I am to be faithful in my day-to-day life to seek Him and to obey His Word. I am to love the LORD my God with all my heart and with all my soul and with all my strength and with all my mind, and I am to love my neighbor as myself (Luke 10:27). It's really not as complicated as I tend to make it. I may not know right now what the future holds, but you know what? That's ok. If I am focusing on my relationship with God and being obedient in the daily "small" matters of life, the "grand plan" is being worked out within that. God is not trying to keep His will from me. Rather, He declares to us in Jeremiah 29:13-14a that "you will seek Me and find Me, when you seek Me with all your heart. I will be found by you." What a beautiful promise. And truly, what is better than that, than finding God? What else really matters? So regardless of where I am or what I'm doing, may I echo Matt Chandler's prayer: "If You're in this place, that's where I want to be! What I want is You!"

Summertime

Some favorite moments of the summer thus far:

Unexpected visit to Galveston

Quick trip to NYC to hear Lina sing at Carnegie Hall; I especially enjoyed getting to visit with Scott and Natasha, who came over from PA for the performance.

Macy's birthday dinner with my fabulous coworkers

Miscellaneous fun moments at Eyrie Park

Can't wait to see what's in store for the second half of the summer! :)

"Friends are the sunshine of life."
-- John Hay (1871)

I See You

This evening, I found myself going through boxes of old letters, photos, school papers and a variety of other things I've saved

over the years. As I pulled out different items, some brought smiles, others brought tears, and some just left me shaking my head sheepishly. Along with old journal entries and stories

written in elementary school, I found this poem that I wrote about 6 years ago, not too long after my best friend/foster brother, Junior, died. It was my freshman year of college, and I can remember sitting on the terraced steps behind the Reitz Union at the University of Florida, attempting to sort out my jumbled emotions. I deeply missed Junior and I was feeling overwhelmed by life, but at the same time, I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that God was with me---that He always had been and always would be. Though I'm clearly not much of a poet, this poem came out of that time and, if not eloquent, at least expresses the truth that God is present even in the midst of hard times, and He is always faithful to care for His children. So, for what it's worth, here it is:

I see You

In the never-fading smile of a young man

Too sick to leave his bed but

Who clings to You as the source of his strength.

I feel You

In the cool autumn breeze that

Dances through the air and

Sends brightly colored leaves fluttering to the ground.

I hear You

In the laughter of children ringing

Out through the cracks of mud huts

Finding joy in the midst of poverty

Lord, You are here

Surrounding me with Your love

Too great for me to comprehend.

Lord, You are here

Giving meaning to my life

As only You can do.

I see You

In the beauty of the sunset, fading

Quickly into night, revealing

Your glory in the heavens.

I feel You

In the gentle touch of a friend

You've sent to encourage me

As I struggle through life's uncertainties.

I hear You

In the silence of a beautiful moment

When I am reminded to

Be still and know that You are God.

Lord, You are here

Amazing me with Your glory

So incredible to see.

Lord, You are here

Bringing healing to my heart

That's broken without You.

'Tis So Sweet

I was listening to my Keith and Kristyn Getty Pandora station earlier, and Phillips, Craig, and Dean's version of "'Tis So sweet" came on. I've grown up hearing this song, and it probably ranks among my favorite hymns (though, granted, I have a rather long list of "favorites"). I love the lyrics, I love the tune, and today I discovered that I particularly like PC&D's rendition. However, until today I hadn't given much of a thought to the background of the hymn, i.e. the circumstances that led to its being written. I googled the hymnwriter, Louisa Stead, and discovered this:

Louisa Stead and her husband were relaxing with their four-year-old daughter on a Long Island beach when they heard a desperate child's cry.

A boy was drowning, and Louisa's husband tried to rescue him.

In the process, however, the boy pulled Mr. Stead under the water, and both drowned as Louisa and her daughter watched.

Louisa Stead was left with no means of support except the Lord. She and her daughter experienced dire poverty. One morning, when she had neither funds nor food for the day, she opened the front door and found that someone had left food and money on her doorstep. That day she wrote this hymn.

Tis So Sweet

Tis so sweet to trust in Jesus
Just to take Him at His word
Just to rest upon his promise
Just to know, "thus saith the Lord"

Yes tis sweet to trust in Jesus
Just from sin and self to cease
Just from Jesus simply taking
Life and rest and joy and peace

Jesus, Jesus how I trust Him
How I've proved Him o'er and o'er
Jesus, Jesus precious Jesus
Oh for grace to trust Him more

I'm so glad I learned to trust Him
Precious Jesus, Savior, Friend
And I know that Thou art with me
Wilt be with me to the end
—Louisa Stead

What an amazing testimony to God's grace and the joy that comes in knowing Him. May I, likewise, "learn to trust Him: and know that He is "with me, wilt be with me to the end."

As the heavens are higher

Sometimes...God's ways are not my ways. Ok, fine; MOST of the time His ways are not my ways (and, being that He's God and I'm not, it's very good that He goes with His plans rather than my own). Still, there are times when I'm so hoping for something and have it all worked out in my mind how I think it should happen, only to discover that God has a different plan. This is often--at least initially--quite disappointing. Even though I know in my heart that "for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to His purpose" (Romans 8:28), discovering that things aren't going to happen the way I'd hoped is not a fun or easy thing. And particularly since I'm a "dreamer", I've gone through this little process more times than I'd like to admit.

Thankfully, God has shown me time and time again that even though I might suffer a little disappointment for awhile--or even a fair amount of pain in the more difficult circumstances--He is ALWAYS in control and ALWAYS has something better in store than I could ever imagine. He never makes mistakes; He doesn't turn His head for a second and--oops, that shouldn't have happened! No, He is intimately involved in the details of my life; He knows my hopes and my dreams...and He KNOWS what is best. So though I may be sad or hurt for a time, I can be (and am) confident that I can trust Him. "Though weeping may last through the night, joy comes with the morning" (Psalm 30:5). I don't always know right away why He allows certain things to happen--or not happen, as the case may be--and for some things, I won't know His reasons until I get to heaven. Regardless, though, "I know whom I have believed" (I Timothy 1:12); my God is faithful to fulfill each and every one of His promises, which certainly includes this one: "For I know the plans I have for you, declares the LORD, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope" (Jeremiah 29:11). He already knows my future; I don't need to despair even when things don't go as I'd like. God's got it; it's really ok!

Originally, this post was primarily going to be about Christina and some news I got this evening (which I will get to in a minute). As I started writing, though, and as I started thinking more about it (rather than just responding emotionally, as I was initially), a past disappointment--really, the most painful event of my life--came to the forefront of my mind: my mom's death nearly 21 months ago. I don't really have the energy to say a whole lot about that right now (primarily because I'm tired and have to get up for work in another 6 hours), but the main thing is that even though losing my mom was absolutely the most horribly painful and frightening and confusing and just plain awful circumstance I've had to go through (and am still going through), from the first moment I even began to realize that she might die, God gave me the grace to know that He IS IN CONTROL and that HE HAS A PLAN. I don't know why He allowed my mom to die when she did; I hate that it happened. Yet, I know that He has a reason and is bringing good even out of the pain. No, I don't understand...but again, "I know whom I have believed." It all comes down to the fact that He is God, and I am not (and thank goodness for that).

In light of all that, the news I got today now seems relatively minor. And really, it's good news; it just means that some things won't happen as I'd hoped. I took Christina's CT scans to the doctor in Houston this afternoon, and this evening I got an email from him saying that he had already looked at her images and determined that she does not, in fact, have hydrocephalus. Her head is enlarged due to a "developmental anomaly" and she will not require surgery. This is good news--very good news. This means, I think, that her condition is not life-threatening as we had previously been told. So why, you ask, am I blogging about disappointment? Well, it's selfish, primarily--I really, really wanted Christina to come here. Don't get me wrong; I am definitely thrilled that she doesn't have hydrocephalus and should hopefully do well without special medical care (though she still is in need of physical and occupational therapy to help with her developmental delays), but I was so looking forward to having her here and being able to love on her and give her special attention that she just can't get in a crowded orphanage. And I have to admit, crazy and as far-fetched an idea as this is, I was hoping that somehow God would provide a way through this for me to adopt her someday--despite the long list of reasons why this is impossible (told you I'm a dreamer). So yeah, my plans have been thwarted...but...that just means that God has bigger and better plans for both me and for Christina. Maybe our lives will intersect significantly at some point, or maybe they won't. I have no way of knowing. Either way, though, I can trust God with my future and with hers. He is in control, and He will continue working "all things...together for good", for, from eternity past to eternity future, "He has made everything beautiful in it's time" (Ecclesiastes 3:11).

"For My thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways My ways," declares the LORD. "For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are My ways higher than your ways, and My thoughts than your thoughts." (Isaiah 55:8-9)