re-acclimating. or something.

51 days. 2 countries. 8 states. 4 flights. 35+ hours of driving. Births. Deaths. New & old friends. Tears. Laughter. Hope. #andthatsawrap (repost from 8/22)

Adjusting to being back in the States is always hard for me (for many reasons), and not too surprisingly, coming back this time has been harder than ever. Yes, I know that I need to be in the States right now; I need to work and to finish school so that I can be in Haiti full-time next year. And I'm definitely glad to get to see and catch up with friends and family again -- it was especially good for my heart to get to catch up with several friends at church tonight. For those reasons, then, it is good to be back. 

But am I glad to be back? Not so much. Or at least, not yet anyway. Although I'm trying my best to not mope around missing Haiti, there's no denying that so much of my heart is still in that little country that I love, with my friends at Heartline, with the ladies and their babies in our programs, with Christina...and re-acclimating to Stateside life has been a bit of a challenge thus far. Doesn't take much for my mind to make the leap from a dosage calculation review session and a question on methyldopa to memories of giving that drug to a sweet Heartline mom who developed high blood pressure during labor and who still struggles with that postpartum. Or when a classmate makes a comment about wanting another week of vacation with her son (and who wouldn't?), all I can think is that it's been a week since I've seen Christina, and it'll be at least another 4 months before I see her again. Or when our instructors are explaining how important it is to be precise with dosage calculations, always, but in particular when you're giving medication to a 3lb baby -- then my mind is off thinking about the preemie I helped care for at Heartline in May, and the teeny little baby that Paul and Hannah cared for last month at Real Hope for Haiti. Not that I'm hosting myself pity parties (again, I know, I really do, that it is good that I'm here for now), but these are just a few examples of how it doesn't take much right now to put me in a somewhat disoriented state of melancholy.

All of that to say, I guess, please be patient with me, Texas friends, as I try to find the balance between loving/missing Haiti and being fully involved again in life here. It may take me a little bit to regain enthusiasm for things here, but slowly but surely I am getting there. And prayers, of course, are always welcomed and appreciated :)

Clockwise from top right: Paul & Hannah; Agathe, Anna,
Cherline & Beth M; Schnieder; Sherly, Jonathan & Taylor;
Kevin & Danielle; Alix, Katia & me; Christina & Sherly;
Richard
Center: Wini, Marie Alineda, me & Sarah