Where things stand

I know some of you are waiting for a recap of my time in Haiti (and for me to finally find time to post pictures on Facebook), and hopefully that post will get written (and pictures uploaded) at some point in the nearish future.  Right now, though, how about an update on where things stand school-wise...

how 'bout one picture to tide you over?  :)
Baby Raphael with big brother Emmanuel

Remember when I wrote about my decision to go back to school to become a nurse (and eventually, a nurse-midwife)?  Well, I've spent the past few months moving in that direction: researching schools, filling out applications, requesting transcripts, taking an admissions exam, and getting more advice and encouragement from the lovely ladies at Heartline.  It's been hectic, it's been stressful, it's been discouraging at times, but overall God has graciously given me a sense of peace by reminding me that He is working out the plans for my life.  He knows where I need to go, what I need to do, and how it's all going to happen, and even as I'm trying to "figure out" and prepare for this next step, I can trust Him to get me to where I need to be.  

Therefore...when I didn't do well on the last section of the admissions exam, thereby disqualifying myself for being considered for admission to one of my top two school picks...I had to let go of my disappointment, let go of the reasons why I wanted so very much to go to that school, and trust that the Lord, who knows so much better than I do what is best, holds my future.  Still, always, no matter what.

And when I discovered right before the start of this semester that I needed to take a few more classes for my other top pick and was scrambling to enroll for one of them at literally the very last minute, I finally realized I could do nothing else than to just trust that either I would get into the class I needed or I would not.  And if not, it would be okay, one way or another.  I got in, thanks to the willingness of an adviser to work late on a Friday afternoon on my behalf and to take me at my word that I had taken the prerequisite to that class, since my transcript had not shown up yet.  That was such a sweet reminder for me that the Lord is the one preparing the way for me.  I don't know what that "way" is yet (or at least, not entirely), and it may be far from what I'm expecting, who knows.  But rather than freaking out and thinking that I have to make everything come together, that I have to figure out where to go and what to do, I can seek the Lord and He will guide me.  I can't tell you how much comfort there is in knowing that.

Trust in the Lord with all your heart,

    and do not lean on your own understanding.

⁶ 

In all your ways acknowledge him,

    and he will make straight your paths.

⁷ 

Be not wise in your own eyes;

    fear the Lord, and turn away from evil.  

 So those are some of the lessons the Lord has been teaching me recently as I've begun (again) to pursue nursing.  So now, back to where things actually stand application/school-wise...

• I only ended up applying to two schools: Baylor's School of Nursing in Dallas (a BSN program) and Blinn College here in Bryan/College Station (an ADN program).
• Originally, I was only considering BSN programs, as I'll need a bachelor's degree to then pursue a master's in certified nurse-midwifery.  However, as I've looked into different options, talked to various people, considered the financial aspect of going back to school (and possibly moving again), and realized more and more how grateful I am for the community I have where I currently live, I've become more and more open to the idea of starting with the local ADN program.  Besides being the considerably less expensive option, it would also allow me to continue to be involved in my church here and in the relationships I've built over the past few years.  I also would get to continue to live with my hilarious and awesome brother, who is actually in his first semester of nursing school himself (hand-me down books?)*  :)  Additionally, since I've already taken all of the prerequisites for the bachelors degree, the RN to BSN program should take me only a year, during which time I can already be working as a nurse.  And since I have to have at least a year's experience before starting the masters program, it doesn't really add on any extra time.  All that to say, despite my initial refusal to consider Blinn on the basis of it "only" being an ADN program, in the last month it has very much become the option I am hoping for.  I won't, however, know until the end of May whether or not I've gotten in.  So we'll see :)
• With that said, I did find out this afternoon that I have been accepted into Baylor's nursing program.  I'm on the stand-by list for Fall, but if no openings come up before July, I'll be automatically admitted for Spring.  I had gotten to the point where I almost was hoping I would not get into Baylor so that I wouldn't have to make a decision before hearing back from Blinn, but the Lord's kindness in putting me on the stand-by list (and therefore giving me more time to decide) is such a gift.  I plan to accept the offer of admissions for now and will continue praying for wisdom to make the decision when the time comes.  Again, I'm hoping I get into Blinn and can stay here, but I also want to be open to other options in case the Lord seems to be leading elsewhere.

So all that to say, for you B/CSers who saw my Facebook status and are bemoaning the fact that I will no longer be around to make your coffee, don't start worrying yet; I may still be around awhile ;)  Thanks to those of you who have been so wonderful in sharing advice and encouraging and praying for me these past few months---I so appreciate each of you.  And continued prayers are very much welcomed as well :)

* Just kidding, Paul.  Kind of ;)

rooftop "photobooth"

I degaje'd* a photobooth on the roof of Notre Maison this afternoon, and though it didn't go as smoothly as I'd hoped (in large part due to the wind that kept pulling down the bedsheet "background" and made it difficult to hold up the props), all things considered, it was relatively successful.  I was hoping to be able to include more of the kids in this, but the wind brought things to a halt fairly quickly.  Maybe tomorrow I'll get brave and attempt this again in a less windy but more chaotic part of the house...

*degaje: to make do, to make it work

sometimes Haiti

with Fanie's son, about
an hour after his birth
(photo courtesy of Tara)

sometimes Haiti is miraculous

On Thursday, I showed up at the maternity center for prenatal day and was informed that one of the ladies was in labor---and would I be her doula?  Of course!  Fanie's labor progressed pretty quickly, and at 3:05pm, her beautiful baby boy was born.  I'm so thankful that I "just happened" to be there that day and that I was able to witness the miracle of birth once again.

sometimes Haiti is hilarious

On Tuesday, after child development class, 24 dead rats were discovered in a storage room, along with 5 live baby rats (approximately the size of large cockroaches, just much pinker).  Since rats are hardly the preferred occupants of the maternity center (prevalent though they are), the decision was made to drown the baby rats in the toilet.  In so doing, we made an observation that supports the theory that rats in Haiti are a "higher species"--- rather than dying quickly once submerged in urine/water, these rats managed to stay alive for at least a minute-and-a-half.  Maybe we're entertainment-deprived, but several of us crowded into the small bathroom to watch the rats succumb to their fate.  "Oh look, they're swimming!  That's kind of cute." (Beth McHoul) The rest of us were of a different opinion...  Melissa then commented that the rats are "so proliferative right now", which led to some very enlightening/amusing/disturbing googling of rat reproductivity...

sometimes Haiti is heartbreaking

I vaguely mentioned the other day how there are times when circumstances here can be so painful to see (and I can't even imagine what it must be like for those who are actually in the midst of them); Melissa wrote an amazing post on some of her experiences here that have caused her "heart to hurt".  Even in the past few days, I've learned of several unimaginably hard situations: a young mother whose baby was taken against her will and given to someone else to raise (and with the way things are in this country, she has very little power to be able to get him back); a young woman who is in the hospital tonight because her brother beat her badly and broke her arm; a family who lost several children in the earthquake recently lost another son; a mother whose five-year-old daughter died last year now has another daughter who is very sick.  Please pray for these people and for these heartbreaking situations.  Psalm 91

Mama Eman with her husband
and baby Raphael

sometimes Haiti is refreshing

On Wednesday I tagged along with Troy and Dokte Jen to visit Mama Eman and her family in Ti Guave.  It was so wonderful to see Mama Eman, Manu, and baby Raphael again and to meet her husband and daughter.  It was great to see the whole family together; they're so loving and fun.  It was refreshing for me to see a family interact the way they do; too often I see children neglected, women abused, families broken.  Visiting Mama Eman's family, though, was beautiful and encouraging. It also was fun to get out of Port au Prince and to get away from the city pollution; it's amazing how much easier it is to breathe out in the country!

sometimes Haiti is frustrating

...and if you've ever been here, you're probably thinking how much of an understatement that is.  From the terrible traffic/roads that make it impossible to get anywhere quickly to knowing when someone is telling you the truth, living/working in Haiti requires much patience and prayer.  And grace.  So much grace; how very much we all need it.  It's frustrating that it can take an hour to drive 6 miles.  It's frustrating that many people lie in order to get what they want (or to say what they think you want to hear).  It's frustrating that efficiency is often a foreign concept.  It's frustrating that many things that are accepted/practiced in this culture are not based on truth and are difficult to overcome.  Frustrating.  But not insurmountable.

sometimes Haiti is beautiful

Sitting on a motorcycle earlier coming back from church, I had a very good view of the city, the mountains, and the ocean all at once, and it was beautiful.  Yes, I rode past several collapsed buildings that have yet to be cleared, two years post-earthquake.  Yes, I saw people working so hard just to make a little bit of money to take home for their families.  Yes, I saw children begging in the street.  But I also saw people coming out of churches, laughing, knowing that God is their joy and their strength.  I saw people who have been through a terrible tragedy and yet are able to go on with their lives, one day at a time, hopeful for a better future.  I heard Ronald, my driver, say how sad it is that children in orphanages aren't able to be with their parents; he loves his four children very much and can't imagine living apart from them (this is a rare perspective in this place where too often children are sent off to live with relatives, friends, or in orphanages).  These things give me hope---hope that despite the pain and hunger and need, all is not lost.  There are Haitian churches coming together to help and encourage each other.  There are individuals who have little to call their own but who exemplify such faith and joy and gratitude to the Lord that is truly humbling (and convicting) to see.  There are ministries such as Heartline and the Apparent Project that are working to keep families together, by providing training in both life skills and in a trade.  God is at work here, and it is beautiful.

sometimes Haiti is home

Not long-term at this point, but I'm thankful for whatever time I get to spend here for now.  Haiti is irreversibly and inextricably part of my life, and for that, I am so thankful.  I cannot imagine what my life would look like had I never come to Haiti; it's so strange to even try to think about.  I love this place.  

everything beautiful in its time

I realized shortly after updating the other day that my usual "don't post anything until I've proofread it several times" rule for myself is a good idea...and that failing to abide by it with Thursday's post was not such a good idea.  I was tired and in a hurry to get it up before losing internet, but I realized shortly after posting it (at which point internet had disappeared and therefore I couldn't do anything about it), that it probably sounded a lot more negative/complainy* than was intended.  Sorry about that... I'll be sure to re-read this one 8 times before it goes up :)

Anyway, overall things are going well here (despite the following paragraph).  Internet access has been sporadic, and the times that it's been working, I've usually needed to use it for homework before doing anything else (lame), thus the lack of blogging.  That and the fact that I haven't quite figured out what to say...because honestly, for whatever reason, though I have been to Haiti more times than I can count and haven't experienced anything new thus far on this trip that I hadn't seen/heard/done even as little as two months ago, I've had a harder time readjusting to being here than I would have expected.  I'm thrilled to be here...thrilled to be back with the kids at Notre Maison and to get to see everyone at Heartline...but I think the Lord is increasingly opening my eyes to the many, many needs here.  Again, I'm not really sure why/how it's any different than any other time I've been here---none of these things that are "hitting me hard" this time are things I was unaware of in the past---but maybe the Lord is allowing me to feel more and more of the way He grieves for the injustice and pain that is in the world.  And though the past few days have been more difficult than I'd anticipated, I'm thankful---thankful for what the Lord has been showing and teaching me, and all the more thankful for the opportunity to be here and (by God's grace) to love these kids.

I started out today in Ecclesiastes, and 3:11 really stood out to me: "He has made everything beautiful in its time.  Also, He has put eternity into man's heart, yet so that he cannot find out what God has done from the beginning to the end."  I desperately needed that reminder this afternoon, that God DOES make everything beautiful in its time and that He is at work in ways even greater than I could ever imagine.

Some beautiful things from this past week (it is Monday, after all; the list must go on, even/especially in Haiti):

771. Sweet time with my Ti Nina.

772. Encouragement from Faith.

773. Getting to meet up with Jenny for lunch on Saturday, though it was way too short of a visit!

774. Seeing Lovely's face light up when I called for her to come upstairs to make a friendship bracelet.

775. This book; I don't usually read much while in Haiti, but I downloaded this to my Kindle app on Friday and finished it today.  The Lord has really used it to encourage and challenge me over the past few days; I highly recommend it!

776. A sweet gift of grace tonight in the form of kind words from one of the ladies here.

777. Roseline and Nathalie.

778. Fantastic weather; either this is unusual or I'd forgotten how nice it is in Haiti this time of year!

779. Successfully traveling across Port au Prince by myself to get to church.  For some reason taptapping intimidates me more now than it did when I was 18, but all went well  :)  I rode a motorcycle almost the entire way (which was not part of the original plan...); got there way faster, though!  Also had the interesting realization that I've only ever ridden a motorcycle when wearing a skirt, which can't be normal...

780. Spending time at Heartline on Friday (and heading there again tomorrow).

*new word.  Add it to your dictionary.

Quick update (from Haiti!)

This is her pensive face.

After a partially stressful but mostly uneventful day of travel, I arrived in Haiti yesterday afternoon.  The stressful part came at the very beginning, when I was told at the ticket counter when checking in for my first flight that I may have arrived too late to get on the plane (because, you know, I was flying out of the oh-so-busy mega airport which is Easterwood Airport, along with all of 23 other people).  Nonetheless, I headed through security (which was enlightening, as I learned that peanut butter is, in fact, a liquid--who knew!--and is therefore not allowed in carry-on luggage).  After my suitcase was ransacked and my peanut butter found

its new home in the security trash can, I walked all of ten feet to the gate and boarded the plane.  Too late to get on?  Nope (though I did probably break some sort of airline regulation in not arriving a full hour before the flight, so I'm thankful for the graciousness of whoever could have decided to be a stickler to the rule and keep me off the plane).  I was, however, fairly flustered by this point by the events of the preceding twenty minutes, so rather than being my usual introverted, don't-want-to-talk-to-the-passenger-in-the-seat-beside-me self, I actually went into Starbucks mode and ended up visiting almost the entire flight with an older gentleman who was on his way to Florida for a conference.

From that point on, things were fairly uneventful.  Once I got to Port au Prince, I made it through customs and found my suitcases in record time.  And for the first time ever, I made it all the way out of the airport without help (sans cart, too, because there were none left).  I suppose this is a matter of pride, but not in the way you might think if you've never been through the Port au Prince airport.  Typically Always there are people everywhere trying to "help" you with your luggage (whether you want/need help or not, though the chaos of the airport tends to make assistance seem necessary), and the fee expected for such assistance is generally quite ridiculous (and every single person who so much as touched your luggage wants paid).  Though I have very much in my favor the ability to speak Kreyol and to state that I don't need 8 men to push my 1 cart of luggage, I have never before managed to ward off all who want to help.  Now that I'm thinking

decorating

 about it, though, perhaps it was the very fact that I didn't have a cart that kept anyone from trying too hard to help me (I mean, who really wants to drag around 150 lbs of luggage without a cart? me, apparently.).  So anyway, I made it all the way outside of the airport fairly easily (though I am sooooooore today) and looked for my ride....which was nowhere to be found.  The minutes on my Haiti cell phone had expired, so I borrowed a phone from one of the airport workers to call Gertrude.  She said they were coming, and so I sat down and waited.

And waited.

And watched two more flights arrive.

And waited.

Finally, an hour later, Gertrude and several of the kids arrived.  Port au Prince traffic is normally a mess (to say the least), but yesterday it was absolute chaos, which is why it took them so long to get to me.  And to get back to the house, which is maybe 2 miles from the airport, it took probably at least thirty minutes.  So I was more than ready to get there and to see the kids!

When the gate to the orphanage opened for us to drive in, I heard my name being chanted by several of the kids.  So good to be back; I've missed them!  I found Christina right away and carried her around as I greeted all the other kids.  She is quite the talker now (though she's got her own language; it's not English or Kreyol!).  And she is, of course, still the cutest ever :)

I'm about to lose battery on my computer, so here's a quick summary of today:
- I spent the morning playing with the kids who don't go to school; Christina and I spent quite awhile with Roseline, who is a very sweet older girl who can't speak and spends her time in her wheelchair.  She has the most beautiful smile, and between me and Christina, we even had her laughing a few times.
- I got out the "sponge game" for the younger kids to play with this morning, and it was a huge hit.
- In the afternoon, I brought six of the kids upstairs (the only place to be able to have any sort of control/organized activity) to decorate the shower curtain "road map" mat.
- Later I had Wilberson and Mimose come up to play the matching game that Callie made; they loved it!

That'll have to be all for now.  Tomorrow I'm planning to go to Heartline in the morning.  Not sure when I'll be able to post again, but thanks for all your prayers!