As promised

Well, here we go; the promised post.  Now that I've been talking about it for at least a week, I'm a little afraid that if anyone actually has been waiting in great anticipation, that perhaps I've inadvertently built this up a bit much. Then again, maybe the only people reading this are people that I've already talked to about this

graduates of Heartline's program talking about
how grateful they are for Heartline

anyway, so it really doesn't matter.  Or maybe no one's reading?  Such a weird thing to write about things that are close to your heart and post them without any idea of who may or may not read these words.

Anyway.  I should probably cut the rambling short before it takes over the whole post.  As most (some? none?) of you may know, I returned to Haiti three weeks ago for a 15-day trip, during which I split my time between Notre Maison and Heartline, two ministries that I absolutely love.  One of my primary goals for this trip was to talk to the amazing midwives/midwives-in-training at Heartline to help me determine how I myself should go about training to become a midwife*.  For several months now I've been looking into various midwifery programs and trying to figure out what the best option would be for me.  However, I really felt that before I could I

a mom and baby from Heartline's program

make a final decision, I needed to go to Haiti and get advice from the Heartline ladies, since my primary motivation in pursuing midwifery is to ultimately do what they're doing, that is, ministering in Haiti to women who so rarely have access to things we take for granted here in the States--quality prenatal and postpartum care; love and encouragement and respect throughout pregnancy and during birth; education on life-saving truths; and most importantly, the Gospel.  These things are all so important and make such a huge difference; I am nearly overwhelmed with gratitude and awe when I think of how the Lord is using Heartline to provide these things to Haitian women.  So incredible.  So beautiful.

When I was trying to decide back in August whether to buy a plane ticket to Haiti or to save that money for midwifery school, I strongly felt that God was leading me to go to Haiti, that I needed this trip in order to make future plans.  Oh how true that has proven to be!  The Lord is so faithful; over and over again He has shown me that His timing, His ways are perfect.  He knew that the dates "I" picked to travel to Haiti

some of the lovely ladies of Heartline

would allow me to meet certain people and experience certain things that would be vital in determining what course to take.  He orchestrated it all so perfectly, and I am truly in awe (and so grateful!) for the clarity and direction He has given me.  It's rather different than what I had expected (doesn't that always seem to be the case!), but I am excited and so grateful to have a specific goal to begin working toward.

Going into this trip, I had narrowed down my educational options to primarily one school, a correspondence program based out of Texas; I thought that the decision I would be making in Haiti would be either to stay in Texas for the next few years and do this program, or to go ahead and move to Haiti to do the program from there, coming back to Texas every so often for the workshops at the end of each module.  What I experienced while in Haiti, however, expanded my options.

with Esther during labor
(photo from Beth McHoul)

The first day I was at Heartline, I met Melissa, a nurse-midwife from Kansas who spent ten years working with Northwest Haiti Christian Mission at their maternity center; now, she is working with Heartline.  After just a short conversation with her, hearing her experiences and having her ask me some hard (but needed) questions, I realized I had more to consider than I had realized.  I feel dumb admitting this, but never once had I looked into training to be a nurse-midwife; it hadn't ever crossed my mind, probably because the prerequisite was a nursing degree (which I don't have) and because until three weeks ago, I didn't realize how limited the scope of a direct-entry midwife can be in a place like Haiti.  In the States, the women that direct-entry midwives serve are healthy, have few, if any, complications in their pregnancy, and have ready access to hospitals/advanced medical care if any emergency should occur.  As long as the pregnancy, labor, and delivery go well, no problem.  However, women with health issues or whose pregnancy has any sort of complication are "risked out"; they are not able to have a home-birth because direct-entry midwives do not have the training to deal with medical complications.

Beth, Wini, and baby Judler

In Haiti, though, where so many women deal with issues such as malnutrition and high blood pressure, as well as the threat of diseases like malaria, dengue fever, and cholera -- all without the assurance of being able to receive good and timely medical care -- very few women would qualify for a home-birth in the States; they are all high risk.  Yet most of them have little choice but to give birth at home, and truly, unless there is a major medical need, giving birth at a Haitian hospital is not a preferable option.  When you go to a hospital in Haiti, you have to provide everything: from your food and bedding to your medicine and even i.v. bags.  Everything.  As to emotional support and encouragement, it's nonexistent.  Can you imagine?  This is why what Heartline does, what Heartline provides, is so valuable.  They treat their women with utmost dignity and respect.  They walk with them each step of the way.  They teach and train and encourage.  They care for these ladies physically, emotionally, and spiritually.  Have I mentioned how completely awesome Heartline is?  :)

Esther with two-day-old Judler

Back to what I was learning about the types of midwifery, though...  Having spent so much time in Haiti over the past thirteen years (and having watched from a distance when I haven't been able to actually be there), it didn't take much explanation to make me realize how beneficial having a nursing background on top of midwifery training would be in Haiti.  Still, since I had not before considered nurse-midwifery, this was a new direction to think about and talk through with those much more experienced than myself.  I'm so grateful for the conversations I had with Melissa, Heather, and Beth, and for being able to hang out at Heartline's maternity center and listen and observe these women at work (along with Tara, Cookie, Wini, and Agathe).  Perhaps most significant, though, was Esther's labor and delivery.  Because I've known Beth for awhile now, and because I speak Kreyol, the Heartline ladies graciously allowed me to be a part of the the birth and act as Esther's doula.  Basically, I got to encourage her (ou ka fe sa!), to hold her hand, to remind her to keep breathing (respire dousman!), to pray with her, and really to just be there with and for her.  I am thankful beyond words for this opportunity, and so humbled.  Being there for this birth in particular, I was able to see firsthand how important the medical side of nurse-midwifery can be.  Ideally, all goes well and no medical intervention is needed.  With Esther, though, her blood pressure sky-rocketed, her progression was slow, and when she did finally gave birth to her beautiful baby boy, she lost a ton of blood.  Had Melissa not been there with her nursing skills and knowledge, Esther would have had to be transported to a hospital, which, as I've already mentioned, is not

baby Raphael, also born at Heartline

preferable.  Worse, had she tried to deliver at home, most likely both she and baby Judler would have died.  God's provision was so evident in this birth, primarily in keeping Esther and Judler safe and among those who love them, but also, the fact that He allowed me to be there at that time and to be part of that experience was huge for me.  Even though my presence was not truly needed (Tara and Heather could have easily done what I did), I really believe that God had me there for a reason, as part of His guidance on my future plans.

So now, finally, those future plans...  Yes, as you've probably figured out by now, I've decided to go the nurse-midwife route.  Which means more school than I would prefer, and much longer before I'm able to be back in Haiti full-time.  But, I am excited.  I truly believe that this is the direction God is calling me to go, and I'm looking forward to the opportunities He has in front of me.  I'm also trying to remind myself that in the grand scheme of things, another five years isn't that long (I'm only moderately convinced).  :)

I'm currently in the process of applying to different schools for nursing programs that start next fall.  If I'm able to get in right away (prayers appreciated for that; nursing schools are hard to get into!), I would have two years of that (thankfully, I already have all my nursing prereqs done), and then I would go on to do a masters program in nurse-midwifery (another two years).  In the meantime, I'm considering training to become a certified doula, so that I can begin getting experience in births, and I'm also hoping to find some sort of job at

Beth and Agathe, teaching a class

a hospital, preferably in labor and delivery (again, to begin getting more experience).  As much as possible during all of this, I will return to Haiti to work with Heartline (and, perhaps, Northwest Haiti Christian Mission) to learn from those who are already doing what I want to do (and, of course, to see all the people there that I love).  There are a lot of specifics still to be worked out, including where I'll be living, working, and going to school...ugh, and how I'll be paying for it all!...so prayers for all of that would be so very appreciated!  Thank you to all of you who have already been praying, and for all of your support and encouragement.  I am so grateful for you all.

So there you have it; it only took me a week of promising to post and anentireafternoonhowdidthathappen to actually write it.  :)  And now, off I go to work...  I'm closing tonight; how very strange!  Thankful it's a short shift!

Oh, and an update for those who were praying for my friend who was in labor yesterday: She ended up having a c-section last night.  Her little boy was 9lbs 3oz at birth, and mom and baby are doing well :)  Thanks for praying!


*As with any story I tell, there's a fair amount of "back story" to the way the Lord has led me over the past few years to the decision to pursue midwifery (and I probably should have written about that first), but for now, suffice it to say that He has increasingly placed a desire on my heart to serve Him in this way.