of the whirlwind which has been recent life

How is it the end of April and I've only managed to post once since I got back from Haiti in February??  (Perhaps more shocking, I still haven't posted all the pictures from that trip...or my family's post-Christmas vacation, for that matter.)  Things have been pretty crazy for the past 6 months or so, and I guess blogging and picture posting have kind of "fallen by the wayside"...  So to the two or three of you who might have noticed (my guess would be Dad, Faith, and maybe Everly?), sorry!

Since my trip to Haiti last fall, things have been kind of a whirlwind -- deciding to pursue nurse-midwifery, looking into different schools, filling out applications, taking entrance exams, taking a class, attending a doula workshop -- and though it's been an exciting semester in the sense that I'm looking forward to what's to come, it's also been exhausting and somewhat overwhelming as I keep finding myself trying to go in too many directions at once...while still attempting to keep up with "regularly scheduled life".  I'm constantly having to remind myself to narrow my focus...to do what I need to do today...and to be okay with putting other things off until sometime later.

At this point in the [original] post, I debated about whether or not to include the following paragraph...  Much easier to leave it unwritten altogether, to skip over the "messy parts".  Easier, but less real.  And I'm not a fan of fake.  So, in the interest of being honest though somewhat vague, suffice it to say that the Lord has really been working in my heart over the past few months, both reminding me of past hurts that I haven't fully dealt with and, especially, revealing more and more the sinfulness of my heart and the ways I am failing to bring honor to His name.  Rather than trusting in Him and allowing Him to work in me, I've been relying on my own strength and my own efforts...which is completely and entirely ridiculous and does. not. work.  My rapidly diminishing patience and the reemergence of a quick temper (last seen when I was, oh, maybe 5) are proof of this.  And can I just say, Whirlwind (see previous paragraph) + Sinful Heart + Relying on Myself = Mega Mess.  The good side of it all, though, is that this is making me all the more aware of my need for forgiveness and grace--and oh so very grateful that I serve a God who IS forgiveness and grace.  And not only that, but even though my efforts to be patient or to be slow to anger or to do whatever constantly fail, all hope is not lost.  I love this quote from one of John MacArthur's sermons:

But how wonderful that our God works in us to accomplish His own good pleasure, to effect that which He demands. That's the glory of Christian living, that God calls us to obey and then God effects that obedience in us. God calls us to holiness and then effects that holiness in us. God calls us to serve and then mobilizes that service in us by His own power and presence. Your spiritual growth and your progress toward maturity and your sanctification and your moving toward Christ's likeness demands all that you are but it also demands all that God is in you. And that is the uniqueness of Christianity, Christ in you, the hope of glory. God taking up residence in the believer. And that is how we live our Christian life.

God calls...then God effects.  Not God calls...then I try really, really hard.  And not God calls...then I sit back and wait for something to happen.  But God calls, and as I move forward, looking to Him for guidance and strength, then He effects.

So there you have it.  This is not the direction I was originally intending this post to go; the plan was to say hey, look, I'm still here, and guess what? I'm going back to Haiti really soon!  But I guess that will be a post for another time (because I am really tired and definitely need to go to bed).  In the meantime, I always appreciate your prayers!