season by season

Great is thy faithfulness, Lord, unto me 

Morning by morning I wake up to find 

The power and comfort of God’s hand in mine 

Season by season I watch Him, amazed 

In awe of the mystery of His perfect ways 

All I have need of, His hand will provide 

He’s always been faithful to me. 

Sara Groves

More likely than not, if you talked to me for more than a few minutes at any point between May and August, I probably mentioned (or at least alluded to) my utter dread and anxiety about the upcoming Super Scary and All Too Imminent Fourth Semester {of nursing school} that I was about to begin. From day one of the nursing program (literally, since we walked into orientation), my classmates and I have heard nothing but anxiety-producing things about how hard/awful/stressful/drown-in-a-puddle-of-tears 4th semester is. Needless to say, it was not exactly something I was overly looking forward to. 2nd semester was stressful enough, and I couldn't even comprehend how it possibly (but supposedly) could get worse. Add to that leaving my Haiti home and all of the people I love there and returning to my Texas home just in time to start back to my work and school whirlwind... There were definitely a few days where I merely existed in a daze of Haiti-withdrawal/school dread/emotional meh (ßtechnical term).

Thankfully (oh so thankfully), God has once again been so faithful to move me from that place of being overwhelmed by nearly every little thing  into a place where I am frequently reminded of how very much He has blessed me--in so many ways, but especially with the people He's placed in my life. I am surrounded by so many wonderful and supportive and encouraging people, both near and far, and that truly makes all the difference in the world between drowning in that puddle of tears and being able to "chin up" and keep going on the not so great days. And you know what? The "not so great days" have been much fewer and farther between than I'd feared. That's often true, I guess, that anticipation is worse than reality.

Anyway, all of this to say, I am grateful. Grateful to God for His faithfulness in providing exactly what (and who!) I need in the moment I need it, and grateful to all of you wonderful people -- family, friends, coworkers, customers, fellow church members, classmates, Haiti friends -- who add such joy to my life. So thankful.

In other happy news...

My first niece or nephew will be arriving in Spring 2014 :) Congratulations, Kevin & Danielle!

Paul made the brilliant decision in August to date this amazing girl, and I'm thoroughly enjoying watching their relationship grow. I also got a trip to Nashville and an introduction to Beaver Nuggets out of this deal ;)

Last but certainly not least, this little one turned six in September!

Happy Tuesday, everyone!

loved & missed

I am not a theologian or a scholar, but I am very aware of the fact that pain is necessary to all of us. In my own life, I think I can honestly say that out of the deepest pain has come the strongest conviction of the presence of God and the love of God. . . Heaven is not here, it’s There. If we were given all we wanted here, our hearts would settle for this world rather than the next. God is forever luring us up and away from this one, wooing us to Himself and His still invisible Kingdom, where we will certainly find what we so keenly long for. 

- Elisabeth Elliot

re-acclimating. or something.

51 days. 2 countries. 8 states. 4 flights. 35+ hours of driving. Births. Deaths. New & old friends. Tears. Laughter. Hope. #andthatsawrap (repost from 8/22)

Adjusting to being back in the States is always hard for me (for many reasons), and not too surprisingly, coming back this time has been harder than ever. Yes, I know that I need to be in the States right now; I need to work and to finish school so that I can be in Haiti full-time next year. And I'm definitely glad to get to see and catch up with friends and family again -- it was especially good for my heart to get to catch up with several friends at church tonight. For those reasons, then, it is good to be back. 

But am I glad to be back? Not so much. Or at least, not yet anyway. Although I'm trying my best to not mope around missing Haiti, there's no denying that so much of my heart is still in that little country that I love, with my friends at Heartline, with the ladies and their babies in our programs, with Christina...and re-acclimating to Stateside life has been a bit of a challenge thus far. Doesn't take much for my mind to make the leap from a dosage calculation review session and a question on methyldopa to memories of giving that drug to a sweet Heartline mom who developed high blood pressure during labor and who still struggles with that postpartum. Or when a classmate makes a comment about wanting another week of vacation with her son (and who wouldn't?), all I can think is that it's been a week since I've seen Christina, and it'll be at least another 4 months before I see her again. Or when our instructors are explaining how important it is to be precise with dosage calculations, always, but in particular when you're giving medication to a 3lb baby -- then my mind is off thinking about the preemie I helped care for at Heartline in May, and the teeny little baby that Paul and Hannah cared for last month at Real Hope for Haiti. Not that I'm hosting myself pity parties (again, I know, I really do, that it is good that I'm here for now), but these are just a few examples of how it doesn't take much right now to put me in a somewhat disoriented state of melancholy.

All of that to say, I guess, please be patient with me, Texas friends, as I try to find the balance between loving/missing Haiti and being fully involved again in life here. It may take me a little bit to regain enthusiasm for things here, but slowly but surely I am getting there. And prayers, of course, are always welcomed and appreciated :)

Clockwise from top right: Paul & Hannah; Agathe, Anna,
Cherline & Beth M; Schnieder; Sherly, Jonathan & Taylor;
Kevin & Danielle; Alix, Katia & me; Christina & Sherly;
Richard
Center: Wini, Marie Alineda, me & Sarah

summing it up

The passage of time can be such a strange thing; how can six weeks seem like forever (in a good way) and yet go by so mind-spinningly quickly? How is it that it simultaneously seems like it's just been a few days since Taylor and I arrived in my Haiti home...and yet it also feels like a lifetime ago? Don't ask me to make sense of this.

Six weeks. 43 days in that place that I so love. How do I sum up all of the joy - the tears - the hopes -the pain - the laughter that I both saw and experienced in that short-long time? The gift of being present to witness the first breath of a new little life, of seeing a mother connect with her child for the very first time. The heartache of knowing so many whose stories are difficult to hear, let alone to comprehend the reality of what they face. The renewed realization that we serve a God who alone can (and does!) rescue and redeem and save. 

Joy and sadness intermingle in much of the day-to-day life at the maternity center, in many of the lives of the women we are blessed to get to know and serve. Being there for a little bit longer this time allowed me to begin to see that more fully, to start to learn more than just names and due dates. It allowed me the privilege of hearing their stories, of being invited to share in even a small piece of their lives. For this, I am both immensely thankful and humbled to have been given such a gift. I've shared some of this quote from Beth McHoul before, but I'm going to post it again, because it so profoundly expresses the heart behind the ministry of the maternity center: 

The heartbeat of our maternity center is our relationship with our women...Our maternity center sees a lot of joy, we have a lot of fun and witness the miracle of birth over and over.  Sometimes it is required of us to dip our cups into a well of sorrow and grieve with people in loss.  And this we willingly do because the word midwife means to be “with women” and Christian means to be “like Christ”.

Se sa. What a privilege it is to get to come alongside so many women and walk with them through such a significant time as pregnancy, childbirth, and the early months of parenting. To be given the opportunity to enter into their joy and hopes and dreams and, yes, at times, even their sorrow. To get to know so many wonderful, strong, resilient, faith-filled women. To share even a piece of life together. What an incredible, beautiful gift.

I am so grateful for the time I was able to spend in Haiti this summer. Thank you, thank you, thank you to each of you who made it possible for me to be there and, especially, for all of your prayers. Being able to spend the summer in my Haiti home means more to me than I can say, and I am all the more excited (and impatient!) now for next year (hopefully) when I can be there full-time. But, in the meantime, for the next several months at least, back to Texas/Starbucks/nursing school (via Nashville ;) I go!

glimpses

She moans as another contraction begins. "Oy, mezanmi, li fè mal!" Oh my goodness, it hurts! She sinks to the ground, resting her head on the low couch on the maternity center porch. "Mwen pa ka fè  sa anko!" I can't do this anymore.  We coach, we encourage, we get stern... "Try this position, this will help the baby descend...You can do this, you are strong...Get up, keep going, you cannot just lie here and give up."  It's been nearly three days, but her labor has not yet become "cho"; she still has a long way to go, and lots of hard work to do before her little one is in her arms. But she is tired. She is young. She is scared. She has little support from her family. Her ability to cope with being in labor has deteriorated rapidly; if this goes on much longer, her baby, too, will start exhibiting signs of distress.


She comes to the maternity center for a pregnancy test. Positive. "Is this your first baby?" we ask. Yes. Are you happy? No answer is needed; she is glowing with excitement and joy.


Midnight. There is banging at the gate. Sleepily, I stumble to the door of the apartment above the maternity center where I am staying. There's a woman here, and she's bleeding, the night guard tells me. As I unlock the door to the birth room, I question the woman: Are you having pain? When did the bleeding start? Have you felt the baby move? I check her blood pressure and fetal heart tones. Both are good. I am relieved, for the moment. She stands up to go to the bathroom, and there is blood. So much blood. I call another midwife: "It could be a previa! I'm on my way!" She arrives with the ambulance, and we quickly load up the woman and drive through quiet streets to the hospital. Port au Prince is eerie at 1am. We pull up to the entrance of the hospital and give the woman instructions on what to tell the staff, knowing that we won't be allowed in to tell them her history and our suspicions. We hope and we pray that the doctor is there, that the operating room can be quickly readied if necessary, that she will be treated with dignity, that she and her baby will be well. We head back to the maternity center with heavy hearts, thinking of all the pain and the sorrow she has already endured in recent months and years.


She places her baby on the scale for his weekly weigh-in. We both smile; he is continuing to gain. This once tiny baby, born long before his due date, is thriving, thanks to his mother's complete dedication to the hard, never-ending work of keeping him alive in a country where all odds are against him. His now-chubby cheeks are a testimony of her love; they both are a testimony of God's mercy and grace.


She sits quietly on the exam table, as her new guardian begins to tell us her story. Barely a teenager, yet she is a mother. She never knew she was pregnant, and it is hard for her to believe that she actually had a baby. Working as a child-servant in a family member's home, raped by someone more than twice her age, her experience is beyond heartbreaking, though tragically all-too-common. Thankfully, she is safe now, having been rescued by an organization that has taken her in and will send her to school and teach her a trade. May beauty rise from the ashes of the childhood that was stolen from her.


"Sa se kè pitit ou!" That's your baby's heartbeat! she is told, as the midwife holds the fetal doppler to her belly. Tears begin to fall from her eyes, as this teenager, who is all alone in the world, connects for the first time with the tiny person who is growing inside her. From this moment, she is changed; she is excited about and invested in this new little life in her womb. She picks out names and cuddles with other mothers' babies. She exudes fresh hope.


She flees the hospital in the middle of the night, unable to face the possibility of losing another child. Her baby hovers between life and death, and only God knows if this little one will survive to know her mother's love.


She steps onto the porch, clearly feeling out of place among the other moms who are visiting with each other. I step over to welcome her and ask how she knew to come. She says she was given a flyer by a woman in her neighborhood. I can feel the smile on my face freeze as I uncover her baby. His wrinkled skin and gaunt appearance leave no room for question; this child is starving to death, and something must be done immediately. We examine the baby and talk with mom. We explain the severity of the situation and teach her how to breastfeed him, and we tell her that if she is committed to this, she can save his life. Other moms surround her, telling their stories and giving encouragement. She is so young, not even eighteen, but she seems to get it. We tell her to bring the baby back in two days, and she does. We weigh him, and he has gained! We celebrate, and we commit to continue to walk through this journey with her.

*************************************************************

It is with a bit of hesitation that I share these glimpses into the lives of these women and babies that we're blessed to serve here at the maternity center. I share these things not to garner either sympathy or praise, but to give a picture of both the joy and the heartache that are a part of daily life here, and to say again how very desperately we need and appreciate your prayers as we seek to best serve those who come through our gate.

I am so incredibly thankful for the opportunity to get to know the women here and to share in some pretty pivotal moments in their lives, to laugh together, to cry together, to pray together. As Beth McHoul wrote so beautifully a few months ago,

Our maternity center sees a lot of joy, we have a lot of fun and witness the miracle of birth over and over.  Sometimes it is required of us to dip our cups into a well of sorrow and grieve with people in loss.  And this we willingly do because the word midwife means to be “with women” and Christian means to be “like Christ”.

That is why we're here. To love, to serve, to rejoice and to mourn with the women that God brings into our lives through the ministry of the maternity center--and ultimately, to point not only them but our own hearts as well to the only One who can meet all of our needs and satisfy our deepest longings. What an incredible, amazing, wonderful gift.

melancholy and photos

To say that I love being back in Haiti would be an understatement. This place, to which I have traveled for over half of my life, has really and truly become home.

************************************************************
That's as far as I got with attempting to blog while I was in Haiti back in May, and I just now rediscovered this beginning to the-post-that-never-was, as I'm again trying to figure out how to put into words some of my thoughts, some of my experiences, some of my feelings about my Haiti home.

I've been back one month so far, this go around, with a mere 10.5 days left. Some people (Paul) might say it's premature, but yes, I am already getting slightly panicky at the thought of leaving again so soon. Yes, I know it's necessary -- I have to go back, to attempt to survive my fourth semester of nursing school, to go back to brewing coffee to make money and drinking coffee to maintain (achieve?) my sanity -- but oh, how I dread that moment when I have to pack up my bags, to say goodbye (just for now!) to my Haiti friends...to Christina... Because yes, Haiti has my heart. Has had it since the moment I first set foot on Haitian soil nearly 15 years ago.

But, enough of the melancholy for now. I may only have ten days left, but still, I am so thankful for ten more days. That's longer than I had when I was here over Spring Break, and just a little shorter than the time I spent here at Christmas, and a lot can happen in a week-and-a-half. May I make the most of and be grateful for each moment! And speaking of gratitude -- thank you, thank you, thank you to all of you who are praying for me, for Heartline, and for the women and babies in the maternity program and in this community. I cannot overemphasize how much your prayers are needed and how much they are appreciated. Thank you, too, for those of you who have made it possible for me to be here this summer. I am so grateful.

I'm thinking this is going to be a bit of a cop-out post, resorting to posting pictures rather than actually saying much at this point, but...let's start with this, and hopefully soon I'll be ready to share more in words. So, here's a quick* photo summary of the past month (in no particular order):

making cookies with Wini and Nirva

Agathe, Ana, Cherline, and Beth

with baby Richard

Guernise and Alexander

Mama E and Emmanuel

twins! with Mom and Grandma

self-defense class at the OK

miss you, Melissa!

Taylor with just-born baby Richard

Jude and Christina

Shelly and Taylor, about to give blood at MSF

lunchtime at Notre Maison 

Jonathan and Christina

TJ and Christine

Taylor and Christina

Beth and Tara - love these two!

horse therapy!

Jephte

back in the same country!

Michael

Lernie and Woodson

Schnieder

the Big Latch On - representing Haiti

Guernise, sharing her story with Yolande

Fabienne and Lochemie

Yolande and Schnieder

excited about her positive pregnancy test

*Just kidding, not so quick. It's hard to narrow down a month's worth of pictures, especially when so many of them contain cute babies!

UPDATED my summer in Haiti (and how you can help)

with Alex and Guernise, May 2013

Update 6/19

Y'all, I am seriously overwhelmed and humbled by the generosity I've seen over the past few weeks in response to this post. Family, friends, coworkers, Starbucks customers, even people I barely know have given so generously. Thank you. A million trillion times, thank you. Your prayers and gifts encourage me more than I can say. The Lord has shown His faithfulness in providing time and time again as each one of you has approached me about getting involved in supporting the incredible work that Heartline is doing in Haiti and the time that I get to spend working with them. I am so grateful.

Since several people have asked this week about what else is still needed, I thought I should update this list, in case anyone else is still interested in donating. The items in bold are the ones that I have less/none of at this point, so for the most part, those are the higher priorities right now. However, if you have a burning desire to donate something else, there isn't anything on this list that won't eventually get used, even if we end up with 100 of them, so...any and all donations are still gratefully received :)  One request, though...if you are planning on purchasing specific items, would you please comment/send me a message and let me know what you're going to buy? Taylor and I are planning to go shopping this Friday afternoon (the 21st), and I'd prefer to prioritize items that we don't have yet (though again, everything will get used eventually)! Thanks so much!  Again, I am so thankful for the support each of you has shown. I am blessed.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

As I mentioned in a previous post, I have the privilege of getting to spend the majority of this summer in Haiti (which, of course, makes me happier than words can say). My first (quick!) trip ended on Sunday, after eight wonderful, fun, and busy days at Heartline; spending time at the maternity center and with Haiti friends always makes my heart so happy. Love that place and those people so much. 

Now, back on US soil for the next five weeks, my to-do list includes acquiring 3 more credit hours toward my nursing degree, working, gathering donations for Heartline, re-packing my suitcase, spending time with my youngest sister when she comes to visit in a few weeks, and hanging out as much as possible with my fabulous Texas friends (who I've sadly barely gotten to see in the past year due to an insane work/school schedule). It'll be a busy month, yet, at the same time, I think it'll still be lower-key than the previous nine...and for that, I am extremely grateful.


Donations for Heartline

I'm hoping to be able to fill a suitcase or two with items to bring back with me for the Maternity Center, and I'd love it if anyone would like to contribute either the items themselves or money for me to use to purchase what is needed. Dr. Jen keeps a comprehensive list of needs updated here. Additionally, she and Sarah D (organizers extraordinaire!) sent this list of items that the maternity center is running especially low on at the moment:

Maternity/Labor and Delivery
- Birth gowns (nightgowns that unzip/button/snap in the front to allow for breastfeeding access; sleeveless and knee-length are preferable)

- Labor gowns (There is an amazing seamstress who is going to be making several labor gowns for us at minimal cost; however, if anyone wants to donate money toward purchasing the material for the gowns, that's definitely an option.)
- Cloth diapers

- Plastic pants (that go over cloth diapers; sizes newborn to 12 months)
- Diaper pins

- Baby powder (travel size)

- maxi pads (extra-large, super, overnight)

- Washcloths (regular and baby)

- Body Lotion (medium sized, not travel size, not super size)

- Women’s underwear sizes 5, 6, 7, 8 
- Women's deodorant

- Receiving blankets

- These pregnancy tests

- Urine (UA) test strips that expire in 2014 or later

- Boxes of non-sterile gloves, sizes medium and large

- NG feeding tubes for premature infants (5 French and 6 French sizes); can be found inexpensively here and here

- Clothing for infant boys and girls, sizes newborn to 12 months (especially need boys clothing in 3-6 months sizes, and newborn onesies/tshirts)

- Chux pads

- Plastic shower caps

General supplies

- Durable plastic or metal water bottles with screw-on lids (such as Nalgene or Kleen Kanteen)

- Antibacterial wipes (for surfaces; such as Clorox or Lysol)

- Hand sanitizer (large bottles; pump-style preferred)

- XL ziploc bags (one size bigger than gallon)

OTC medications

- Children's liquid Tylenol

- TUMS

Prescription medications (*must be unexpired and in sealed bottle; personal prescriptions not accepted*)

- Azithromycin tablets (250 mg or 500 mg or 600 mg)

- Cephalexin capsules (500 mg)

- Ceftriaxone 250 mg, 500 mg, and 1000 mg vials (for IV/IM use)

- Erythromycin eye ointment

- Nifedipine SR 20 mg, 30 mg, or 60 mg tablets

- Odansetron ODT 4 mg or 8 mg sublingual tablets

Also, fellow Starbucks partners: want to help me stock the maternity center up on coffee? If any of you would like to donate a markout (or two!) in the next few weeks, I'd be happy to transport it to Haiti. Help keep the midwives awake for the middle-of-the-night births! :) Update: Starbucks at Texas & Holleman...you all are amazing. Seeing that big bag in the back room overflowing with pounds of coffee makes me so happy. Thank you. I'm going to miss you people while I'm gone!

Finally, one addition to the original list... Because it looks like we'll be getting to bring down so many things for Heartline, we could use at least one more large suitcase, if anyone happens to have an extra lying around or wants to pick up a cheap one at Goodwill or somewhere. (Thank you, Nancy and Kaila, for the two y'all already found for us!) Suitcases/duffel bags with wheels are preferable, if possible (just to make it easier on our backs and arms). I can't guarantee that the suitcase will make it back in decent shape, though (TSA has been pretty rough on my luggage recently), so just keep that in mind if you're wanting the suitcase back at the end of the summer.

Financial Support

I have a love/hate relationship with asking for money. I dread doing it because it just feels so weird to ask people to help me pay to do something, to go somewhere, that I love. It's not quite the equivalent of asking for someone to pay for me to go on vacation...but that's still kind of what it feels like. I also think, honestly, that a big reason why I hate asking is because in my pride, I like to be independent, to earn my own way (oh how many spiritual implications can be drawn from this!); it is incredibly humbling to ask for assistance from others.

On the other side of it, though, I love giving people an opportunity to be involved. God calls different people to different things -- some to go, some to give, all to pray.  We all have our parts to play in furthering God's kingdom here on earth, and just because I'm the one who gets to go doesn't mean that it's not equally important for others to give and to pray. When you think about it, missionaries could not do what they do in the places where they live and work without the support of those who faithfully pray and give. John McHoul wrote this in Heartline's May newsletter:

Your support, your help, your encouragement, your prayers, your efforts, your sacrifices in helping Heartline is humbling and simply amazing.  But I wonder as well, if it isn't you who are making the difference and Heartline that is helping.  I can see this; so THANK YOU for being the hands and feet and compassion and kindness and love and mercy and healing to the people of Haiti and THANK YOU for giving Heartline the privilege of helping.

The privilege of helping. Yes. Because it is so very much a privilege, and a blessing. I am grateful beyond words for the opportunities I've had (and, God-willing, will continue to have) to work alongside the full-time staff at Heartline and to be even a small part of the ministry that is happening and the lives that are being changed through the programs at the maternity center. So thank you, so very much, to all of you who have supported me thus far through your prayers, encouragement, and gifts; thank you for giving me the privilege of helping. I am blessed.

helping at a Heartline birth, December 2012

All that said, if anyone would like to contribute financially, either toward my travel expenses or toward supplies for Heartline, please leave a comment or check out this page that I've set up with more information on how to give.

Pray, Pray, Pray

I cannot possibly overemphasize how much I value your prayers, for myself, for the team at Heartline, and for the women and babies in the prenatal and child development programs. There are so many great needs everywhere in Haiti, needs that are often heart-breaking and overwhelming and are difficult to imagine as one who grew up in middle-class America. We desperately need God's grace to work through us, to guide us and to teach us to love as He loves, to show us how we can best serve, and to remind us that even as we work to meet physical needs, all that we do is for the ultimate purpose of sharing Christ and the great hope of His Gospel message. So please pray for us, pray with us; your prayers are so important to this ministry.

And my God will supply every need of yours according to his riches in glory in Christ Jesus. To our God and Father be glory forever and ever. Amen.

Philippians 4:19-20

Heartline Maternity Center: Making a difference for LIFE

I've said this before, and I'm sure I'll say it again, but the more time I'm able to spend at Heartline, and the more I get to know both the women in their programs and the women who do the work to make the maternity center such a safe, fun, and wonderful place, the more thankful I am for the heart behind this ministry and for the lives it is impacting and saving.

Last week was a busy one at the maternity center. Besides the usual program days (prenatal class and check-ups, child development day and postpartum check-ups, and Bible study/family planning day), there were also three births, one transport due to suspected preeclampsia, and continuing postpartum care for the sweet little boy born mid-May at only 31 or 32 weeks gestation. Additionally, since Dr. Jen was in town, several moms brought their sick little ones over for her to take a look at. And as always, even in the midst of all the busyness, the level of compassionate and competent care given to each woman and child, the way each person is valued and treated with dignity and respect, is such a beautiful thing to see. Young teen girls and middle-aged women, women from the poorest slums and those who can afford to eat more than once a day, first-time moms and mothers of six -- all find a welcoming, safe, and loving environment when they step through the gate at the maternity center.


Lives are being saved

The very first birth I attended at Heartline, back in the fall of 2011, is one of many examples of how God is using Heartline to save lives. Esther, a first-time mom, had seen her sister die in childbirth, and consequently, she dealt with a lot of fear as she endured her long and complicated labor. Because Melissa was there (an experienced nurse-midwife who was working with Heartline at the time), Esther was able to deliver at the maternity center, where we were able to support and encourage her and allow her to have a safe and dignified birth. Though she lost a lot of blood when her little boy was born, again, Melissa's experience and skills  prevented a tragedy. Had Esther tried to deliver on her own at home, this story would have ended much differently. After Esther's birth, Tara wrote,

We're all blessed by your willingness to pray for these ladies. Their lives are fragile and the odds are stacked against them in so many ways. With each complicated birth we recognize more and more what a ginormous gift it is to be able to offer this option to women in our area. Thank you for helping to make this ministry possible. Please keep giving. Please keep praying.

Fast-forward a year-and-a-half to two weeks ago, when Guernise, pregnant with her first child, showed up at the maternity center in preterm labor. Beth described the fear and sadness of that moment:

Her bag of waters has broken.  This is not good news for a mom who is only 31 weeks along and measuring really small.  Not good news at all. This is beyond our skill level and we start to look for back up.  The first hospital states if she doesn’t have high blood pressure along with the broken waters they won’t take her.  For the first time in my midwifery career I am hoping for a high bp.  Nope, perfect.   We crank up our ambulance and prepare for hospital number two.  While waiting for family to arrive and all the wheels to be set in motion dear little Guernise lays on our birth bed weeping. 

Thankfully, the second hospital took Guernise, and she delivered a 3 lb baby boy, Alexander. Small though he was, however, and clearly preterm, he didn't meet the hospital's criteria for keeping him for continued care; Alex and Guernise were soon released to go home. Had they actually gone home, had they been left to fend for themselves without further medical care (in the States, he would've been in the NICU), this tiny little boy would likely not have survived very long. But, by the grace of God, who knew long before this little one's birth what his needs would be, Guernise had come to Heartline for prenatal care, and now she could turn to the midwives there for help with Alex. Heartline's amazing team (midwives, nurses, and pediatrician) are working together and with Guernise to make sure that little Alexander remains infection-free and continues to gain weight and thrive. Prayers for this sweet mom and baby, as well as for the team at Heartline, would be greatly appreciated.


These are just two of many stories of how God is changing and even saving lives through Heartline's maternity program. Want to learn more (and get a glimpse into what goes on at the maternity center)? Here are two short videos:

This video gives a brief overview of the maternity center.

Lydia Livesay gives a super cute tour of the maternity center :)

Want to join with Heartline in making a difference in the lives of women and babies in Haiti? Your prayers for the team at Heartline and for the women in the program are so very valued. Tara keeps the list of ladies updated here (this list is just the ladies who have yet to deliver, but obviously you can keep praying for them after they give birth!).

summer plans

I think...I would blog more often if I didn't always draw a complete blank when attempting to start a post.

So let's just pretend that I've just written a super captivating introductory paragraph, and now you're waiting with bated breath to read what I have to say next.

(Well, maybe not bated breath. This is probably not going to be life-shattering or shocking news to any of you who know me; I'm not getting married, converting to Buddhism, shaving my head, or...wait for it...even quitting Starbucks {yet}).

my view for much of the summer :)

I am, however, super excited to say that between now and August 16th, I will be spending more time in Haiti than in the United States (which hasn't happened in 8 years)! And, in fact, I am wri
ting this from the rooftop of Heartline's maternity center, to which I oh-so-happily returned on Friday. This time, I'll just be here a little over a week, since I need to be in Texas to take a class in June. As soon as I'm done with my final for that, though, back to Haiti I come (and bringing a friend/coworker with me)!

The tentative plan is to spend most of my time at Heartline, helping out at the maternity center in whatever way I can be useful, and hopefully gaining more experience and knowledge of all things pregnancy/birth. I'll also spend time with the kids at Notre Maison, and, after Paul comes to Haiti at the end of July, I'm hoping to go out and visit Real Hope for Haiti, where he usually works when he's here. I also have another friend coming down for a week in August, so I'm excited to get to introduce not just one friend but TWO to my Haiti home this summer! I have a not-so-secret plot to get all of my favorite stateside people down here at some point so that they fall in love with Haiti, too...and so that they'll then come visit me once I live here full-time :)

I'm still working out the details of what it's going to look like for me to be off work/away from home for half of the summer; currently I think the only things I know for sure are my flights (guess that's helpful) and my cat-sitter (thanks, Cheyenne!). So I will try to update again soonish with more specific details and possibly requests, in case anyone is interested in helping either monetarily or with items to donate to Heartline. For sure, I would really, really, really appreciate prayers, both for my time back in the States in June (I have a feeling it's going to be quite a busy month, between work and school and my sister visiting and getting ready to leave the country for six weeks) and for my time in Haiti. Thank you in advance for praying!

And with that, I suppose I should start heading towards bed; gonna be an early morning (though thankfully not opening-Starbucks early)! Bon nwit, tout moun!

always faithful

You were reaching through the storm

walking on the water

even when I could not see

in the middle of it all

when I thought You were a thousand miles away

not for a moment did You forsake me

not for a moment did You forsake me

after all You are constant

after all You are only good

after all You are sovereign

not for a moment will You forsake me

not for a moment will You forsake me

You were singing in the dark

whispering Your promise

even when I could not hear

I was held in Your arms

carried for a thousand miles to show

Not for a moment did You forsake me

Not for a Moment -- Meredith Andrews

Last Sunday, as I was wrapping up a wonderful week in Haiti (and trying desperately to pretend my time there wasn't so rapidly coming to a close), I tagged along with the fabulous Livesay crew for an amazing time of worship at the Meadows' home. We sang a few songs, and then we spent some time talking about God's faithfulness and how we've seen that play out in our lives. Everyone in the room has undeniably been through some "stuff," but it was so beautiful to hear the stories that were shared of how God has carried each of us through difficult circumstances and has brought so much good even out of the pain. It reminded me of something Beth McHoul had said earlier in the week, about how people who have suffered have a certain depth to them. I don't know that any of us would willingly choose to go through painful times, but yet, there is something to be said for the way God uses suffering to shape us, to strengthen us, to draw us closer to Him -- and, to help us empathize with and have compassion for others who are hurting. What an amazing thing to serve a God who not only sees all of our tears, but who also so faithfully brings beauty from ashes. We may not understand why things happen the way they do, why we must suffer, but it is so comforting to know that just as God heard the cries of the Israelites when they were enslaved to the Egyptians, so He sees and knows our pain, and He is with us. Though things are a bit of a blur from the time right after my mom died, I remember very clearly clinging to these verses and having a surreal sort of peace that, even though it felt like my world was falling apart, God was still in control:

The steadfast love of the LORD never ceases;

His mercies never come to an end;

they are new every morning;

great is your faithfulness.

"The LORD is my portion," says my soul,

"Therefore, I will hope in him."

Lamentations 3:22-24

I didn't know, and I don't know, why God chose to take my mom when He did. I wouldn't have chosen that, not in a million trillion years. But I do know and can say with confidence that He has shown Himself to be faithful time and time again in my life; how can I not then put my hope in Him?

Originally when I started this post, I was intending to write about how seventeen years ago today, I met my youngest sister. Her life is such a testimony of God's faithfulness; it is absolutely incredible to look back and see the many, many beautiful things He has brought out of her life -- this child, who was born with a life-threatening medical condition and then abandoned at birth and left to die at a Haitian hospital. The very fact that she lived more than a few days (let alone, nearly 18 years and counting) is a miracle of divine intervention, and that's just the very beginning of her story. Unfortunately, as much as I would love to keep writing about that now, I need to get in at least a little bit of studying tonight before I completely collapse in exhaustion from a crazy work day. But, if anyone is interested in knowing a little more about God used Lina's adoption to get our family involved in Haiti, here's a post from a few years ago.

Happy weekend :)