Blank.

It hit me the other day that all of my life, I have had an idea of how my life would look; what I would do, where I would go, how my family would be. Until now.

Now, I don't have a clue--not even a vague outline of what I might be doing six months from now (let alone 6 years or--if I live this long--six decades). When I try to picture my future, I draw a blank. Let me tell you, this is VERY STRANGE for me who has always been a dreamer, as I mentioned in my last post. And it's not so much that I no longer have dreams, exactly; it's more that these dreams have broadened to the extent that I can't really define them. They fall more along the lines of just wanting to be obedient to God and to be filled with the joy and peace that comes from being passionately in love with Him. (I have to stop right here and make it very, very clear that on a day-to-day basis, I fail miserably in achieving this goal; as in, I am NOWHERE close to being able to say that I've been obedient even 50% of the time, or that I've moved very far in the direction of passion for Him. Still, I suppose, by God's grace I am slowly making progress...)

Anyway, as I was thinking about all of this earlier, it occurred to me that, maybe, this is the best possible place for me to be: confused, yes, but open to whatever direction God decides to take me. There isn't really any such thing as "my plans" anymore--they've all disappeared, in one way or another (not that I don't constantly need to be on my guard against coming up with new, non-God-approved plans). I have hopes, of course, but either I cannot see how they possibly could work out (which, of course is based on my very limited human understanding and view of life), or these hopes are fairly general (i.e. I'm not concerned about how specifically they "come to be," if in fact they do). So, who knows what will actually end up happening. Nothing is impossible with God, after all. I know that sounds cliche, but it's true, and deep down inside, I do believe it (though I still need constant reminding). Sorry if this doesn't make a whole lot of sense; I'm guessing that about 2-3 of you who read this will get it, and if anyone beyond those few make it this far into the post, you'll probably think I'm crazy (which I am, so good job!).

All this to say, I currently am not a big fan of any question regarding my future, particularly if it is a school-related question. I have a future; I'm fairly convinced of that. I have no idea how long it will be here on earth or how specifically it will play out, but I truly believe God's promise in Jeremiah 29:11-12 : For I know the plans I have for you, declares the LORD, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope. Then you will call upon Me and come and pray to Me, and I will hear you. You will seek Me and find Me, when you seek Me with all your heart.

So, may I (and you) seek the LORD, call on His Name, and pray to Him, that I (and you) may find Him. Really, that's all that matters.