In loving memory

As many of you know, my mom died last fall--six months ago today, to be exact. On September 4th, early in the morning, she had a stroke; two days later, she went Home to be with Jesus.

Those two days (and some of the days to follow) were some of the scariest, most confusing, and most surreal days of my life. My mom had been healthy; though she'd been having some medical issues in the weeks before she died, the doctors were adamant that the stroke was unrelated, and they could provide no medical reason why this would occur. Additionally, as of this summer, my mom's dream of being more involved in Haiti as a family was beginning to be realized; just before she died, my parents had been accepted as missionaries with Harvest International to launch our ministry, TheLoveWeBreathe. My mom was so excited about this, as she had been praying for years to be able to do something like this.

Why in the world, then, would God allow this to happen? Why would He take such a wonderful, godly, compassionate, loving woman who --we thought-- should have still had many years left on earth? Why would He take someone who so deeply loved and respected her husband that her own sister had never even heard her say a negative word about him? who loved her children so much that, even though she did all she could to ensure the best for them, also loved them enough to let them go when she would have preferred it another way. Why would He take a wife and mother who cared about her family enough to pray His Word daily for each one and to give of herself selflessly in so many [often unrecognized] ways. Why would He take someone who took seriously the call of Psalm 82:3-4, to "defend the cause of the weak and fatherless; maintain the rights of the poor and oppressed...[to] rescue the weak and needy; [and] deliver them from the hand of the wicked"?

Why?

I don't know. I didn't know six months ago, I don't know now, and I don't think I will know the answer to that, at least not this side of Heaven.

Even still, by God's grace I know and I trust that He has a reason. God has a purpose in this, and He will continue to use this for His glory. It may not make sense to me, with my limited understanding, but yet, He has given me peace. He didn't make a mistake; He didn't get distracted with someone else and miss the fact that my mom was having a stroke. He knew. He was right there with her. I read something this morning, actually, that seems to fit here:

Yes, “even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for You are with me; Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me” [Psalm 23:4]. This makes dying such delicious work for the people of God, for especially then, our Jesus will be very near. By death they escape from death, and the moment the death process begins it is no more a death for them to die. When Jesus meets His saints the gloom of death ceases, for in a moment they close their eyes on earth and open them in glory. Beloved, there should be no more bondage because of the fear of death, since Christ is present with His people when they begin the death process that takes them from life to the grave. Jesus strengthens them on their death bed. This has been a great joy to many departing saints. (Charles H. Spurgeon, "Forever with the LORD")

How exciting, really, when you think about it in this way; He did not abandon my mom, and He does not abandon us. He promises that He will be with us, and He is. Always.

Sometime towards the end of September, I came across these verses in Lamentations 3 that were both very timely and very comforting:

²¹But this I call to mind,
and therefore I have hope:

²²The steadfast love of the LORD never ceases;
His mercies never come to an end;
²³they are new every morning;
^D)">great is Your faithfulness.
²⁴"The LORD is my portion," says my soul,
"therefore I will hope in Him."

No matter what happens, no matter how scared or confused I may be, the LORD IS MY PORTION, and I can place my trust and my hope in Him. He truly is the source of all peace and all comfort and all wisdom and all strength; by His grace, I can make it day by day.

When I started this post, I really had no idea what I was going to say; I just knew that I couldn't let this day go by without writing something. One thing that I do want to make sure to say, though, is THANK YOU. Thank you to all of you who have prayed for and with us, brought meals, sent cards, and reached out to us in so many ways over the past six months. Thank you. I apologize for not responding individually to a lot of you, but do know that your kindness has not gone unnoticed or unappreciated.

And for those of you who were not able to attend the memorial service, here is the slideshow that was played:


Janet Sue Dunwoody Cloutier
November 19, 1960 - September 6, 2008