Happy Things

A month or so ago, I set my facebook status to gummy bears and chocolate, after one of my fabulous coworkers (the lovely Rebecca) brought the aforementioned items to the store for us to try together (this idea was brought about by another fantastic coworker who had been talking about chocolate-covered gummy bears that he'd seen at a movie theater). Anyway, we were pleasantly surprised to find that chocolate does, in fact, go well with gummy bears, and I decided that this discovery was worthy of being a facebook status.

Unexpectedly--but wonderfully--a dear friend responded to this status with "lollipops and roses? ;)" (which, if I am remembering correctly, is a line from a song that she'd recently heard). This then changed the theme of the status to things that make me (and others) smile.

Here is what several of my friends and I came up with:

- Sunshine and lemondrops (me)
- Ice cream and cookies (Lilia)
- Apples and hellos (Caroline)
- Sprinkles and hugs (me)
- Music and rain (Cindy)
- Blankets and coffee (Caitlin)
- Food friend and cup of coffee (Lilia)
- Jane Austen and a cup of tea (me)
- A cool breeze and a letter (Caroline)
- Babies and rocking chairs (Cindy)
- Fireplaces and fuzzy socks (me)

Over the past month or so, I have frequently thought of this status and the responses and wished that the list had gone on. That's why I'm now posting this with the hope of getting lots of comments with more pleasant things that make people smile. So now the question is,

What makes YOU happy?

Honest Scrap Award

Hey look! A new post! Amazing, huh? I must confess that I have not spent very much time reading blogs in recent much, nor have I even contemplated updating my own. Until now, that is, when I came across this lovely little award/tag from the beautiful and talented Everly Pleasant

This is called the "Honest Scrap Award", and basically, I am supposed to write 10 honest facts about myself and then tag 7 bloggers to do the same. So, here goes...

1. In my nearly 24 years of life, I have lived in 8 houses, 7 (soon to be 8) apartments, 2 dorms, and 1 orphanage (volunteering). These places of habitation are located across 2 countries, 4 states, and 7 cities.

2. I am a certified klutz; ask nearly anyone that has ever worked with me. My latest injury includes walking full-force into the sanitizer while transporting a container of disgusting bananas to their ultimate doom (the trash can).

3. Despite the many times that I have moved, I have managed to work for Starbucks for nearly 3 1/2 years now. Thank goodness for a job that allows me to transfer! I have worked at 4 different stores in 3 different states (and this is my second time at the store where I currently work).

4. I desperately miss my churches in Chicago (Grace Church of Dupage) and Tennessee (Grace Community Church) and am very much hoping that I've finally found a similarish church in Gainesville (time will tell).

5. I have a multi-colored family. And we love each other. Usually :) (Oh, and there are a bunch of us...if you ask me how many, I will have to stop and count. Very rarely am I actually able to tell you that I have...5 siblings without having to think about it.)

6. I went on my first mission trip to Haiti when I was 13 and immediately fell in love with the beautiful children. When I got back to the States, I knew that God's plan for my life involves Haiti, and though I don't know exactly how this will play out in the future, thus far it has meant 20+ trips, one semester of living/working in an orphanage, much failing (but hopefully learning from mistakes), irreplaceable friendships, lots of stories, laughter, many tears, seeing Jesus in the eyes of the Least of These, and countless blessings.

7. I love to laugh.

8. I love to read. Some of my happiest memories as a child are of summer days spent on the hammock in our backyard reading book after book after book. Recently, I've been reading some classic children's books (Anne of Green Gables, The Secret Garden, Peter Pan), which has been fabulous.

9. My mom was one of my favorite people in the world, and I miss her more than words can say. She was the most loving, giving, selfless person I've ever known.

10. I am not a big fan of games, be they card games, board games, let's-get-to-know-each-other-games, etc, etc. However, I do very much enjoy Scrabble (yes, I'm a dork, I know) and Apples to Apples (particularly when playing with Caitlin, Caroline, Joe, and Mike).

Ok, so that's 10...and I won't admit how crazy-long that took me to write. But it's done. Yay.

So, for tags...how about:

Cheri Kay

Lovely Rita

Rebecca

Chelsey

Joey

Neverland

Kevin

And, if you're reading this on facebook, consider yourself tagged. Have fun!

Haiti 2005 (Part 1)

In 2005, I volunteered at Haiti Children’s Rescue Mission (HCRM), an orphanage located in the mountains above Port-au-Prince, Haiti. At this time, the orphanage was undergoing a major transition, as the original founder had been removed from his position as head of the orphanage. Because of this, Joe and Cindy Kraft and their family (from Texas, who were in the process of adopting four children) moved to HCRM to help out. About a month later, I moved down as well.

The following is comprised of excerpts from the journal that I [sometimes] kept during this time. Obviously, it is edited both for conciseness and to respect the privacy of certain individuals and circumstances. I basically chose entries (or portions thereof) that I found to be 1) humorous, 2) representative of this time as a whole, or 3) key events/experiences.

January 23, 2005

I can’t believe I’m in Haiti and I’ve been cold all day!

January 25

Caitlin [the eldest Kraft daughter] and I spent some time this afternoon working on the Bible study we’re going to be doing with the older girls. It was fun. Caitlin’s a really sweet girl, and I’m really glad she’s here. She’s only 14, but it really doesn’t seem like she’s that much younger than me. It’ll be fun getting to know her better. All the Krafts are so nice.

January 28

I was getting ready to go to bed [on the 26^th], and one of Cindy’s girls came in to get towels because there was a leak in their bathroom. So I went in there to help…the bathroom floor was covered in about an inch of water that was coming in through the wall by the bathtub. Cindy and her girls were putting towels on the floor to soak it all up, but it just kept coming. Cindy and I ended up standing over the tub wringing out sopping wet towels… After doing that for awhile, Cindy decided to go wake Mark up (a man from Elkhart, IN, who is adopting two kids) and see if he knew what to do. He…looked around to try to find where to shut the water off, and eventually we ended up outside, watching while Mark let water from a hose dump into huge bowls. I really have no clue what that was all about. All I know is that whatever he did, it got the water in the bathroom to stop coming through the wall, temporarily at least.

January 29

Nahomie [my sister, who was living at HCRM while we worked on her adoption] and Salou [Nahomie’s cousin who was adopted by the Krafts] are watching the DVD I brought for Nahomie of our family, and they’re mimicking everything that’s going on on the screen. They just did the whole dance that the kids did at our church for Christmas. It’s so cute to watch them J

January 30

This afternoon, Dia [an adoptive mom who was visiting her kids], her parents and their friends, Dia’s 3 kids, the Krafts, Nahomie, and I, and Emarc went down the mountain to Petionville to go swimming… It was nice to get away from the orphanage for awhile. I played with Housmey [George] the whole time I was in the pool, so that was fun. He’s such a cute kid.

[Interestingly enough, I did not include in this journal entry the red devil man we saw in the street as we were leaving to go back to the orphanage. That was an interesting and somewhat frightening experience…]

February 1

Well, today was definitely…interesting. I didn’t do much—just helped with Cindy’s kids. Ok, the lights just got turned out on me, so I’ll finish this tomorrow.

February 2

Oh goodness, fun times…Caitlin and I just had some hot chocolate—and lots of marshmallows!—which we drank sitting on the counter in the kitchen. That might not sound terribly exciting, but it was very fun!

February 3

The major event of yesterday was “The Flood: Week 2” in Cindy’s bathroom. Same thing as last week—the water came in at the same spot and flooded the floor, so we ended up turning off all the water in the house. We sopped up most of the water with towels, and then Nahomie and Salou used cups to scoop out the water in the hole where the leak was. We all ended up staying in the bathroom for a long time, and Caitlin, Caroline, Jeweliet, Nahomie, and Salou unbraided my hair.

February 6

Friday night was a lot of fun. The Kraft girls, Nahomie, and I had a hot chocolate (and lots of marshmallows) and movie party….Then we watched “Radio”, which is a really good movie. . . Yesterday we had the December birthday party…and Claudino (because we’d thought that his birthday was in December and we’d [already] told him he could come to the party). So Caitlin and I made cupcakes for the kids, then we brought them up to the balcony for the party.

February 7

The good part about today…making and eating s’mores with Caitlin and Caroline.

The bad part about today…all of the conflicts and confrontations.

February 26

A LOT has happened since I last wrote, but there’s no way I’m going to take the time to write about it all… I’m in Jacmel right now with the Krafts (minus Joey, who is still in Texas). Joe came last Saturday, and on Wednesday we came to Jacmel for a little vacation. And, oh my, it has been very…interesting. We’re staying at Le Jacmelien Hotel, which has the potential to be nice… We’re basically the only ones here, except for some old men that we see every once in awhile and a pirate who was here the first two days… But anyway, there’s basically no one else at the hotel and it’s not too hard to see why… It’s definitely been quite an experience! Caitlin, Caroline, Salou, Jeweliet, and I are sharing a room, and Cindy, Joe, Teeko, Housmey [George] and Phoebe are next door. Before we actually ended up in the rooms we’re in now, we had to change rooms…3 times maybe? 4? I don’t remember, but it was a lot.

February 28

Well, I’m still not feeling particularly inspired to write, but I know that if I don’t at least get started now, nothing will ever get written. One thing I’ve realized on this “vacation” is how much I’ve taken things for granted in the States… Such as: in the States, restaurants and hotels don’t run out of the majority of the food on the menu (and if for some reason, that happened, they would be restocked within hours); towels, electricity, soap, and toilet paper are givens; beds aren’t made up of a mattress and a concrete block; mosquito-proof rooms don’t need to be specified; and tour guides are sought by the tourist (instead of vice-versa).

Oh my, this past week has definitely been memorable… I don’t even know where to start… I guess with the food, since that’s a recurring dilemma. From the very first night, the hotel restaurant has been out of several items on the menu, and over the past 5 days, one by one other items have been knocked off the list. No more hamburgers, pancakes, syrup, bananas, chicken sandwiches, and no, no more cheese sandwiches. That’s basically the entire menu right there. So what does that leave us with for dinner tonight? Fried chicken and French fries, which is what we’ve had for the past several nights as well. For a few days we were relying on cheese sandwiches for lunch, but that option is apparently no longer available either. All we have for breakfast now is eggs, which is sad because the pancakes were so good.

On our first day here, we decided to take a walk in the morning. That’s when we met our most (unfortunately) loyal “tour guide”, who has persisted in following us around everywhere. He’s even shown up a few times when we’ve been swimming and tried to get us to come talk to him. Saturday we went to Guy’s Guesthouse for pizza, and sure enough, while we were waiting for our food…Mr. Self-Appointed Tour Guide came in, sat down, and started talking. He stayed for the whole meal (although, he did fall asleep in his chair for awhile). He also followed us back to the hotel when we were finished, probably hoping to get paid.

March 3

Well, we’re back at HCRM now. And…it’s very good to be back. Although our vacation was definitely memorable…”there’s no place like home”. Eventually I’ll write more about our interesting little adventure, but for now, I’ll stick with more current events.

We have another ACWAM team here now, and I have to say, even though I still don’t understand some things about these Canadians, this group is definitely an improvement over the last one. There’s more people, though, so it’s a bit crowded.

Anyway, Caitlin, Caroline, Jeweliet, and I attempted a mini slumber party last night, but it kind of didn’t work too well. For one thing, we didn’t get started until pretty late, and then when we did, we were joined for awhile by two guys from Canada (we have yet to find out their names). So that was kind of weird. They only stayed for a little while, though, because they had to be up early today…. And then [the Kraft girls] all ended up falling asleep, so we just stopped the movie and went to bed.

Paul in Haiti

For one of the scholarship applications that Paul is filling out, he is able to give a web address of art or photos (that, I assume, represents himself and/or how he has/can/will apply the skills he anticipates learning). So, for that reason, here are the photos he chose, taken our August 2008 mission trip to Haiti:






Visiting with children at Notre Maison, the home for children with special needs that my family supports.

Helping to move a generator "Haitian style" (i.e. lots of people, lots of talking/arguing, slooow progress)

Playing soccer at Coram Deo

Visiting with Jean Charles (Sonson) at Coram Deo

Entertaining one of the little boys at Notre Maison.

Walking along the beach to the village of Bord Mer Lasalle

Sonel, one of the boys that was walking with us, stepped on a thorn. Paul cleaned and bandaged his wound...

...and then ended up carrying Sonel for most of the rest of our walk (quite the feat, considering some of the paths we were on and the midday heat).

Giving gifts to Jean Marc, one of the little boys we sponsor at New Missions.

Jean Marc

We also gave Jean Marc and his family a goat.

Helping Jean Marc's mom situate the suitcase on her head so that she could carry it back to their hut.

Playing with some of the boys at St. Joseph's Orphanage.

Helping to transport beds from one guesthouse to another.

All right, there are his photos. If anyone is interesting in learning more about what we do in Haiti, feel free to contact me or visit our website. Also, we love having people join us on trips to Haiti, so let us know if you'd be interested in coming on a future trip.

Closest book

This is just a quick post; something I saw that I thought Everly, in particular, might enjoy:

Rules:
* Grab the book nearest you. Right now.
* Turn to page 56.
* Find the fifth sentence.
* Post that sentence along with these instructions in a note to your wall.
* Don't dig for your favorite book, the coolest, the most intellectual. Use the CLOSEST.
* Tag your friends including me..

Alors les pharisiens allerent se consulter sur les moyens de surprendre Jesus par ses propres paroles. (Matthieu 22:15) from the Nouveau Testament et Psaumes

In loving memory

As many of you know, my mom died last fall--six months ago today, to be exact. On September 4th, early in the morning, she had a stroke; two days later, she went Home to be with Jesus.

Those two days (and some of the days to follow) were some of the scariest, most confusing, and most surreal days of my life. My mom had been healthy; though she'd been having some medical issues in the weeks before she died, the doctors were adamant that the stroke was unrelated, and they could provide no medical reason why this would occur. Additionally, as of this summer, my mom's dream of being more involved in Haiti as a family was beginning to be realized; just before she died, my parents had been accepted as missionaries with Harvest International to launch our ministry, TheLoveWeBreathe. My mom was so excited about this, as she had been praying for years to be able to do something like this.

Why in the world, then, would God allow this to happen? Why would He take such a wonderful, godly, compassionate, loving woman who --we thought-- should have still had many years left on earth? Why would He take someone who so deeply loved and respected her husband that her own sister had never even heard her say a negative word about him? who loved her children so much that, even though she did all she could to ensure the best for them, also loved them enough to let them go when she would have preferred it another way. Why would He take a wife and mother who cared about her family enough to pray His Word daily for each one and to give of herself selflessly in so many [often unrecognized] ways. Why would He take someone who took seriously the call of Psalm 82:3-4, to "defend the cause of the weak and fatherless; maintain the rights of the poor and oppressed...[to] rescue the weak and needy; [and] deliver them from the hand of the wicked"?

Why?

I don't know. I didn't know six months ago, I don't know now, and I don't think I will know the answer to that, at least not this side of Heaven.

Even still, by God's grace I know and I trust that He has a reason. God has a purpose in this, and He will continue to use this for His glory. It may not make sense to me, with my limited understanding, but yet, He has given me peace. He didn't make a mistake; He didn't get distracted with someone else and miss the fact that my mom was having a stroke. He knew. He was right there with her. I read something this morning, actually, that seems to fit here:

Yes, “even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for You are with me; Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me” [Psalm 23:4]. This makes dying such delicious work for the people of God, for especially then, our Jesus will be very near. By death they escape from death, and the moment the death process begins it is no more a death for them to die. When Jesus meets His saints the gloom of death ceases, for in a moment they close their eyes on earth and open them in glory. Beloved, there should be no more bondage because of the fear of death, since Christ is present with His people when they begin the death process that takes them from life to the grave. Jesus strengthens them on their death bed. This has been a great joy to many departing saints. (Charles H. Spurgeon, "Forever with the LORD")

How exciting, really, when you think about it in this way; He did not abandon my mom, and He does not abandon us. He promises that He will be with us, and He is. Always.

Sometime towards the end of September, I came across these verses in Lamentations 3 that were both very timely and very comforting:

²¹But this I call to mind,
and therefore I have hope:

²²The steadfast love of the LORD never ceases;
His mercies never come to an end;
²³they are new every morning;
^D)">great is Your faithfulness.
²⁴"The LORD is my portion," says my soul,
"therefore I will hope in Him."

No matter what happens, no matter how scared or confused I may be, the LORD IS MY PORTION, and I can place my trust and my hope in Him. He truly is the source of all peace and all comfort and all wisdom and all strength; by His grace, I can make it day by day.

When I started this post, I really had no idea what I was going to say; I just knew that I couldn't let this day go by without writing something. One thing that I do want to make sure to say, though, is THANK YOU. Thank you to all of you who have prayed for and with us, brought meals, sent cards, and reached out to us in so many ways over the past six months. Thank you. I apologize for not responding individually to a lot of you, but do know that your kindness has not gone unnoticed or unappreciated.

And for those of you who were not able to attend the memorial service, here is the slideshow that was played:


Janet Sue Dunwoody Cloutier
November 19, 1960 - September 6, 2008

Yesterday

Yesterday was a busy but good day, for two reasons in particular:

- My Burlap Bible came! I was (and am) very excited about this (as detailed in Sunday's post). :)

For more information on this great cause, visit the website and check out the Facebook group and fan page.

- Also, I came across a sermon by Charles Spurgeon yesterday morning, and although I chose it "randomly," it really was quite timely. Basically, Spurgeon talks about the providence of God and how God is involved not only in the major aspects of life, but also in the itty bitty details of our every moment. It's a great sermon; I highly recommend reading it. In the meantime, though, here is a sample of the text:

[Discussing the way in which God directs our steps] When you have resolved to do a thing, you could not do it any how; it was quite impossible. God turned you another way, and proved that providence is indeed the master of all human events . . . We ought [therefore] to be a bold race of people. What have we to fear? Another man looks up, and if he sees a lightning-flash, he trembles at its mysterious power. We believe it has its predestined path. We may stand and contemplate it; although we would not presumptuously expose ourselves to it, yet can we confide in our God in the midst of the storm. We are out at sea, the waves are dashing against the ship, she reels to and fro; other men shake, because they think this is all chance; we, however, see an order in the waves, and hear a music in the winds. It is for us to be peaceful and calm. To other men the tempest is a fearful thing; we believe that the tempest is in the hand of God. Why should we shake? Why should we quiver? In all convulsions of the world, in all temporal distress and danger, it is for us to stand calm and collected, looking boldly on . . . We are to say—let others say what they please—"I know God is here, and I am his child, and this is all working for my good; therefore will not I fear, though the earth be removed, and though the mountains be carried into the midst of the sea."

Just something to think about...

Happy Thursday!

Blank.

It hit me the other day that all of my life, I have had an idea of how my life would look; what I would do, where I would go, how my family would be. Until now.

Now, I don't have a clue--not even a vague outline of what I might be doing six months from now (let alone 6 years or--if I live this long--six decades). When I try to picture my future, I draw a blank. Let me tell you, this is VERY STRANGE for me who has always been a dreamer, as I mentioned in my last post. And it's not so much that I no longer have dreams, exactly; it's more that these dreams have broadened to the extent that I can't really define them. They fall more along the lines of just wanting to be obedient to God and to be filled with the joy and peace that comes from being passionately in love with Him. (I have to stop right here and make it very, very clear that on a day-to-day basis, I fail miserably in achieving this goal; as in, I am NOWHERE close to being able to say that I've been obedient even 50% of the time, or that I've moved very far in the direction of passion for Him. Still, I suppose, by God's grace I am slowly making progress...)

Anyway, as I was thinking about all of this earlier, it occurred to me that, maybe, this is the best possible place for me to be: confused, yes, but open to whatever direction God decides to take me. There isn't really any such thing as "my plans" anymore--they've all disappeared, in one way or another (not that I don't constantly need to be on my guard against coming up with new, non-God-approved plans). I have hopes, of course, but either I cannot see how they possibly could work out (which, of course is based on my very limited human understanding and view of life), or these hopes are fairly general (i.e. I'm not concerned about how specifically they "come to be," if in fact they do). So, who knows what will actually end up happening. Nothing is impossible with God, after all. I know that sounds cliche, but it's true, and deep down inside, I do believe it (though I still need constant reminding). Sorry if this doesn't make a whole lot of sense; I'm guessing that about 2-3 of you who read this will get it, and if anyone beyond those few make it this far into the post, you'll probably think I'm crazy (which I am, so good job!).

All this to say, I currently am not a big fan of any question regarding my future, particularly if it is a school-related question. I have a future; I'm fairly convinced of that. I have no idea how long it will be here on earth or how specifically it will play out, but I truly believe God's promise in Jeremiah 29:11-12 : For I know the plans I have for you, declares the LORD, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope. Then you will call upon Me and come and pray to Me, and I will hear you. You will seek Me and find Me, when you seek Me with all your heart.

So, may I (and you) seek the LORD, call on His Name, and pray to Him, that I (and you) may find Him. Really, that's all that matters.

Burlap Bibles

I really do have another post "waiting in the wings," and hopefully I will have time to finish it up and post it later, but in the meantime, I want to let anyone that might actually be reading this know about Burlap Bibles. Burlap Bibles is the ministry that God has given to one of my friends to get a quality and readable Bible in the hands of anyone who requests one, no matter where in the world they live*. This aspect of the ministry has been ongoing for about a year (I think?), and though he has done no advertising to promote his free Bibles website, he has had a decent response. My friend has not always known where he would get the money to be able to send these Bibles, but yet, God has always provided. Now, this ministry is growing:

"Through this process I have developed a passion for getting the Word to the nations and I feel that it is time to expand this ministry. I would love to be able to start advertising my site to compete with the non-Christian sites out there. I would love to be able to help the Gideons International fill hospitals around the world with the message of Jesus Christ. I would love to help Wycliffe Bible Translators make sure that there is a Bible in every tongue. I know from experience that if God wants this to succeed He will provide a way, so I started looking for ways."

At this point, my friend was inspired by TOMS shoes with the whole concept of "buy one, give one," but he wanted the Bibles that he sends to be unique in such a way "that would connect the people buying the Bibles with the people receiving the free Bibles." It was then that the idea of Burlap Bibles began: he would use burlap coffee bags to make covers for the Bibles.

"Not only is there the symbolism associated with sackcloth (I.e. mourning, humility, supplication) but coffee is a global commodity that comes primarily from the poorest regions on Earth. There is a lot of variance in coffee bags, making each Burlap Bible unique and the bags are recycled into something beautiful, artistic, and useful instead of being thrown out!"

The result is this:
An English Standard Version Bible, with a hand-crafted burlap coffee bag cover. I don't know about you, but I am super excited about this ministry, and I greatly admire the passion behind it. No matter where this goes, no matter how many people this reaches, I am convinced that God will use this ministry for His glory and to plant seeds in the lives of believers and unbelievers alike.

*Except for Nigeria or Indonesia; he cannot ship to these countries.

Just for fun...

Ok, so I think I have a more serious post coming tomorrow (I was going to post it today but haven't finished yet), so in the meantime, here's one of the current Facebook tags that's going around now:

Here's the deal: Type in your name and the word "needs" in quotes ("YOUR NAME needs”) into your favorite search engine and post the first 10 that come up. For example, go to Google and type in Jane needs and see what comes up. This is pretty funny.

1. Beth needs to go home. (okay?)
2. Beth needs a life with pictures, videos, personal blog, interests, information about me and more.
3. Beth needs a laugh. (Definitely.)
4. Beth needs advice. (This is pretty much always true.)
5. Beth needs your help in getting to Cambodia! (Sure, why not? I love traveling!)
6. Beth needs a good kick. (Uh, no!)
7. Beth needs our prayers. (Yes, please!)
8. Beth needs a hobby. (Um, Beth needs TIME to have a hobby!)
9. Beth needs her helmet. (It's a dangerous world out there!)
10. Beth needs a watch when her phone is dead.

Mine aren't as interesting as ones I've seen for several other people, but whatever.

Happy Thursday!

Waiting

“Wait for the Lord; be strong, and let your heart take courage; wait for the Lord!” (Psalm 27:14)

I have to confess—this concept of “waiting for the Lord” is incredibly difficult for me, for at least two reasons. First, I am a dreamer; I have an incredibly active imagination that has led to many a grand plan being formed in my mind. All of these plans, of course, sound fabulous to me—though usually their implementation is a little fuzzier—and I have a terrible habit of forgetting to seriously pray about whatever it is and wait for God to give me guidance as to how (or even if) I should proceed.

Second, and probably more significant, is that I am in a hurry to do something, to make something of my life and to feel like I’m accomplishing something for God. First problem is that that is incredibly selfish; my sinful self wants assurance from people that I matter, when I really ought to be looking to God, in whom my worth is truly found, and then just living my life in obedience to Him whether or not it seems like I’m “accomplishing something.” I feel like I should have a plan, know why I’m doing what I’m doing right now and what I’ll do next. I ought to know where I’m headed so that I can be preparing for it now; otherwise, surely I am wasting valuable time.

However. This whole sense of being in a hurry and making my own plans is not consistent with the Bible. Psalm 46:10 says, “Be still, and know that I am God.” Be still. How often does that happen in my life, when I just step back from the craziness of life and just rest in the assurance that God is in control? I must admit, not very often.

Furthermore, by failing to completely rely on God and wait on both His plan and His timing, I begin to believe the lie that God doesn’t have my best interests in mind; if He did, wouldn’t He be putting my plans into action? (Obviously, it is a very good thing that He doesn’t go by my faulty plans, good though they may seem to me at the time.) I don’t ever verbalize this—not even to myself—but thinking about it now, it seems clear that this is all-too-frequently the mindset that I have. But again, this is so wrong. According to Psalm 25:10, “All the paths of the Lord are steadfast love and faithfulness, for those who keep His covenant and His testimonies.” Also, the verse that precedes the verse at the beginning of this post is an exclamation made by the psalmist, testifying to his certain hope that God had good things in store for him: “I believe that I shall look upon the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living!” Although God is not necessarily concerned about my happiness level, per se, He does have a perfect plan for my future—for each day of my life—and whether it seems “good” to me or not, if I am in a right relationship with Him—focusing on His Truth and seeking to know, love, and serve Him with all of my heart, mind, and soul—I will be able to see His goodness. And what, ultimately, could possibly be better than seeing the goodness of the One who is my Creator and Savior?

So, this is my note to myself, a reminder of where my focus should be and of what truly matters in life. I don’t really care if anyone reads this or responds; mostly, I just needed to put these thoughts into words as a tangible reminder for the times when I am impatiently “awaiting my future” or trying to make things work out according to my plans. May God by His grace enable me to abandon my selfish desires and seek only to follow Him, every day of my life.

Stories

Surprise! I'm back! Contrary, perhaps, to speculation due to my failure to post in 3 months, I have not dropped beyond the realm of existence, gone into hiding, or moved to Mars (or anywhere else for that matter -- yet). I've just been...mmm...busy, for one thing, but also I guess I just haven't really been up to writing.

However, at work today, a semi-regular customer made a comment that really made me think. This customer is one that has been coming in at least since I transferred to this store two-and-a-half years ago (though I myself was gone for about 15 months), and he knows a little of my background of having lived in several (ok, 8) cities thus far in my life (7 of which I've lived in since graduating from high school). Anyway, somehow we got on the subject of all of my moving/traveling (or maybe it was just that I'd lived in Haiti for awhile; don't remember). I said something about sometimes wishing that I'd done things the "normal" way (i.e. graduate from high school and then go to ONE --maybe 2-- college[s] and graduate in 4-5 years, not move a jillion times, etc, etc). He then responded by saying, "Well, I'm sure you have a lot of stories now" (or something to that effect).

At the time, I thought that was kind of an interesting perspective but didn't really think too much about it; after all, there was coffee to be brewed, a pastry case to be restocked, and customers to be rung up. Later, though, it struck me that it's very true; I do have all kinds of stories because of the somewhat unusual way my life has played out to this point. Granted, not all (or even very many) of them are stories that would interest other people, but still, they are a part of my life that God has used to shape me into who I am. Even though many of these stories seem to have played themselves out and are little but distant memories, they still have value because God has taught me so much through the happy and the sad, the funny and the painful moments of my life. Not only that, but perhaps by remembering these things, He can even now show me how He has been at work in my life.

So that's my pondering for the day. Not terribly deep, but at least it's something. Maybe it will inspire me to write more often so that sometime in the future, I can look back on this point in my life and be able to better recognize God's sovereign direction towards ... well, I don't know what, right now anyway. But that's ok; I don't have to know the future. The important thing (and what I have to keep reminding myself) is that God is absolutely and entirely in control of the universe, He has a plan for my life, and all I have to do is seek Him and enjoy being His.

For this God is our God for ever and ever; He will be our guide even to the end. (Psalm 48:14)