Life lessons

I had a terrible day Friday; one of those oh-so-fun days when every little thing at work seemed to go wrong and when I felt like I just plain couldn't do anything right. I was (kindly) informed of several things that I should've done differently/better, I dropped everything I picked up, spilled everything I touched, and just couldn't quite get it together the entire day. Several miscommunications early on in the day added to my confusion and left me feeling frustrated and lacking control. To complete this downward spiral, I then took my negative emotions out on a friend. All in all, I was a horrid mess of negativity, and, though I knew that I needed to take every thought captive to obey Christ (rather than letting every little thing nearly leave me in tears), I still chose to dwell on my mistakes and frustrations. I just couldn't "let myself off the hook" for things not going smoothly. Because, along with over-thinking everything (which I blame on the engineer "gene" that runs on both sides of my family) . . .

. . . I am by nature a people-pleaser and a perfectionist and have always struggled with trying to live up to certain expectations which, a lot of the time, are probably self-imposed more than anything. When I fail to meet these expectations, then, I make myself miserable because I feel like I've let everyone down. Rather than finding my security in Christ and in the fact that I belong to Him, I look to people for affirmation and try to measure up to what I perceive their expectations to be. You'd think that I've been a Christian long enough to know better than this, but clearly this is something God is still working on with me.

Friday night as I was thinking back through my day and realizing how poorly I'd handled things, God started to connect the dots for me and to show me that such days can be valuable life lessons, if only I would quit being so self-absorbed and focusing on how bad I felt about things. Interestingly enough, several aspects of the awfulness which was Friday relate directly to topics that were discussed earlier in the week at both a women's meeting I went to at church and then at my Bible study a few days later: that of finding security in Christ, focusing on that which is pleasing to Him, and learning from mistakes but not dwelling there.

First of all, my worth is found in Christ, and I am complete in Him; I don't need to (nor should I) base my identity on what other people think or say about me. I love this quote from Elisabeth Elliot: "Where does your security lie? Is God your refuge, your hiding place, your stronghold, your shepherd, your counselor, your friend, your redeemer, your saviour, your guide? If He is, you don't need to search any further for security." And as John Piper points out, "God made us who we are so we could make known who He is. . .The meaning of our identity is that the excellency of God be seen in us." Therefore, what does it matter what other people think about me? Ultimately, it makes no difference whether or not anyone thinks I'm nice or pretty or can carry on a decent conversation; what matters is that in everything I say and do, I reflect Christ and bring glory to His name. I ought to echo Paul's statement in his letter to the Galatians: "Obviously, I'm not trying to win the approval of people but of God. If pleasing people were my goal, I would not be Christ's servant."

Second, my thoughts need to be on whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable -- these are the things on which I should focus, NOT on my frustrations or hurts or the faults of myself or others. Although there is a time and a place to deal with such things and to respond in a way that is pleasing to God, so often further problems could be avoided if I would remember all that God has done for me:

I will remember the deeds of the LORD;

yes, I will remember Your wonders of old.

I will ponder all Your work;

and meditate on Your mighty deeds.

Your way, O God, is holy.

What god is great like our God?

Psalm 77:11-13

Thirdly, and similarly, I cannot let myself dwell on my mistakes. When it is an issue of sin, I need to repent and, as appropriate, make amends, but I must not wallow in guilt. It is for freedom that Christ has set me free! In His incomprehensible love and mercy, Christ has forgiven me and remembers my sins no more. If He doesn't continue beating me over the head with reminders of my sins, who am I to dwell there? So, whether my failure is a sin or if it is merely an expectation that I didn't meet, I accomplish nothing by reminding myself over and over of how horrible I am. L.M. Montgomery wisely said, "We should regret our mistakes and learn from them, but never carry them forward into the future with us."

So, those are some of the lessons that I think God is trying to teach me out of my miserable Friday (likely there are more that I haven't realized yet). He truly does cause all things to work together for good for those who love Him and who are called according to His purpose; how amazing is it that He uses even the messes I make to teach me more about Himself and (if I learn these lessons) to make me more like Him! May I "grow in the grace and knowledge of our LORD and Savior Jesus Christ. To Him be the glory both now and to the day of eternity. Amen." 2 Peter 3: 18

Of stars and swings and simple satisfactions

St. Augustine, Florida * October 2004

The heavens declare the glory of God,

and the sky above proclaims His handiwork. (Psalm 19:1)

One of my favorite aspects of Creation is the sky; I love sunrises, rainbows, pretty clouds, sunsets, and--most especially--stars. There is just something so amazing, so powerful, in these displays of God's glory, and it's awesome to think that the God who paints such magnificent pictures across the sky has said, "I have called you by name, you are Mine. . . you are precious in My eyes, and honored, and I love you."* Oh my goodness; wow. He who is the very essence of beauty and holiness and truth has called me, in all the wretchedness of my sin and the utter ugliness of my life apart from Him--He has called me and reconciled me to Himself through Jesus' death and resurrection, even before I had any inclination of my need for a savior.** What a beautiful, incredible, ridiculous truth (one that, unfortunately, I tend to lose sight of all too often). It's certainly beyond my ability to comprehend; all I can say is just wow.

Oh, praise the One who paid my debt

And raised this life up from the dead

Jesus paid it all

All to Him I owe

Sin had left a crimson stain

He washed it white as snow.

(Jesus Paid It All)

Amazing, amazing, amazing. And as if saving me and giving meaning to my life weren't enough, God continues daily to give me reminders of His love and of the fact that He is intimately involved in every aspect of my life. God loves to give His children good things; sometimes these gifts are big and obvious (like with all the incredible things He did to put together my trips to Haiti this spring), while other times they're more subtle, like a much-needed hug from a friend or "randomly" coming across a timely Bible verse or song lyric or line in a book (note: nothing is mere happenstance with God). Such simple joys, sometimes, and yet each one of these gifts is an expression of God's grace. I don't often enough recognize this and give Him the praise that He deserves, but every once in awhile, something in me clicks and I just can't help but be in awe of Him.

The other night (which was the original inspiration for this post, though--as usual--I'm getting there in a rather roundabout and unexpected manner), I had one of those beautiful moments when I was utterly and blissfully content, so thrilled by the simple pleasure of a viewing a lovely star-filled sky and swinging in a park at midnight with my brother (who was so kind as to accompany me on this impulsive excursion). Though this was not the most breathtaking glimpse of the stars that I've seen (nothing can compare to clear nights in Haiti, far from city lights, lying on a roof or in a field and feeling completely surrounded by the stars and galaxies), I nonetheless was so filled with joy as I swung through the cool night air and reveled in God's presence. I wasn't necessarily thinking great thoughts or praying profound prayers, I was just being--being with God and enjoying Him. Simple...but amazing. One of John Piper's well-known statements is that "God is most glorified in us when we are most satisfied in Him"--and what an incredible thing it is that He gives us so many opportunities and ways to be so satisfied.

* Isaiah 43:1,4

** Romans 5:6-11

John Piper on Prayer

God has designed and ordained and planned and promised that he will act for us when we pray. God has promised to do for us things we cannot do our ourselves when we pray—that is, when we get on our faces before God and confess our sins, and give thanks for his grace, and lift up the cup of salvation, and plead for him to fill it with supernatural blessings for the needs in our lives and families and church and business and city and nation and world.

Is it not breathtaking to hear Jesus say, “ Ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you” (Matthew 7:7). Isn't it breathtaking to hear his brother James say, “ You do not have, because you do not ask” (James 4:2)! Or to put it positively, “If you had asked, God would have acted to meet your need.” This is astonishing: God acts in response to prayer. The all-knowing, all-foreseeing, all-planning, all-governing God wills for your Christ-exalting prayers to be the occasion of his action.

John Piper, "Let Your Requests Be Made Known to God"

One of the [many] things that I am trying to learn about and put into practice is prayer. Despite having grown up in the church and having prayed many a prayer over the years, I know that this is an area of my life where there is much room for improvement. A big part of the problem is my lack of discipline in prioritizing prayer; also significant, I'm sure, is that my understanding of prayer and its purpose is very inadequate. I know that prayer is important, and I'veseen God answer prayers more times than I can count, but from the little time and emphasis I actually give to praying, it's pretty clear that I don't quite "get" it. I want to, though, because I know that it's such a huge part of seeking and knowing and loving and following God; I want my relationship with Him to be deeper than it is right now. So, with two dear friends promising to help keep me accountable in this, I am focusing both on learning more about prayer and on being more purposeful in praying. So, pray for me, if you will; I'm excited to see where God takes me with this :)