Names

my Christina - March 2010

I like babies. A lot. And I like names. Ever since I was little, I've liked to think about what I might name my kids someday (should I ever be so blessed as to have some of my own). I can remember looking through old books of baby names that my mom still had from when she was pregnant with my brothers and me; I loved reading all the names, along with their meanings and origins. Since, as a nine-year-old, I didn't have any babies to name, I mainly used these books to come up with names for characters in stories that I was writing. If I'm remembering correctly, names such as Jessica and Aimee and Olivia were some of my favorites at the time (I don't remember any boy names that I used).

About a year ago, while sitting in the waiting room during my sister's speech therapy appointment, I decided to make a new list of names that I like and may use at some point in the future. Unfortunately, this list was misplaced when I moved to Texas, and despite having searched for it for several months (at the request of my dear sister-friend Everly, who loves names just as much as I do), all of my digging through boxes and under beds and in notebooks was in vain. Until this afternoon, that is, when I stumbled across it while looking for my original notes on Chris Riser's Psalm 139 sermon, which was the subject of my earlier blog post today. So anyway, without further ado, here is the long-awaited list (in no particular order, and you'll see my thoughts on some of these names have changed over the last year):

Girls

1. Anna

2. Anastasia (though I like this name less now than I did at the time)

3. Erin (again, don't like it as much)

4. Josie (don't like it)

5. Chloe

6. Rachael

7. Rebekah

8. Hannah

9. Adrianna

10. Alyssa

11. Meredith

12. Natalia (still like it, but not as much; actually, I like how it sounds but not how it's written)

13. Kathryn

14. Emily

15. Grace

16. Janet

17. Amelia

18. Carita (not so much)

Boys

1. Caleb

2. Jonathan

3. Jeremiah

4. Josiah

5. Hezekiah (ehh, not sure about this one)

6. Micah

7. Ryan

8. Isaac

9. Aaron (maybe)

10. Samuel

So those are the 2009 lists. Since that time, I've decided that I want to name my first daughter Janet Grace (and call her Grace), after my mom (Janet Sue, but she loved the name Grace, as do I). I also would love to adopt my Christina, and give her the middle name Rose (unfortunately, that's not super likely to happen, but we'll see). Since I wrote this list a year ago, I've thought of/heard several other names that I really like -- though unfortunately, I didn't write them down and my super-tired brain can only remember a few at this moment: Amberly (girl) and William (boy). If I think of others, perhaps I'll update again (or at least just start a new list). Anyway, there ya go, Miss Everly; hope you enjoyed this!

Psalm 139

Almost two years ago to this day, on August 24, 2008 I sat in my small country church in the foothills of the Smoky Mountains and listened to Chris Riser preach on Psalm 139. Though this has always been one of my favorite psalms, I don't remember ever having heard a sermon on it before that particular Sunday, and so it was with great anticipation and growing excitement that I listened to Chris delve into the text.

O LORD, you have searched me and known me! You know when I sit down and when I rise up; you discern my thoughts from afar. You search out my path and my lying down and are acquainted with all my ways. Even before a word is on my tongue, behold, O Lord, you know it altogether. You hem me in, behind and before, and lay your hand upon me. Such knowledge is too wonderful for me; it is high; I cannot attain it.

God knows me. Intimately. Deeply. Better than I even know myself. He knows me, and He loves me [even still]. In a way, it's incredibly frightening that anyone - let alone God - would know me so entirely; no matter how hard I may try to hide my fears and failures from the outside world, I can never hide them from God (He, in fact, sees and understands them even more than I do). Yet at the same time, how amazingly comforting it is to know that He does know and understand; He doesn't leave me to try and figure things out or make my way through life alone but rather is here, with His hand on me, guiding me and protecting me each step of the way. No matter what happens, He is with me (and little did I know when I first heard this sermon how real this truth would become to me less than two weeks later, and how desperately I would cling to it as my world came crashing down around me). How reassuring it is to know that "my help comes from the LORD, who made heaven and earth . . . He who keeps Israel will neither slumber nor sleep" (Psalm 121:2, 4).

Where shall I go from your Spirit? Or where shall I flee from your presence? If I ascend to heaven, you are there! If I make my bed in Sheol, you are there! If I take the wings of the morning and dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea, even there your hand shall lead me, and your right hand shall hold me. If I say, "Surely the darkness shall cover me, and the light about me be night," even the darkness is not dark to you; the night is bright as the day, for darkness is as light with you.

There is nowhere I can go where God is not; no physical place, and no mental place where I can ever get beyond His reach. Even in the darkest moments of my life - the "dark nights of my soul" - God has been and will be there. Ironically, it has been in some of these darkest times that I have felt God's presence the most, perhaps because it is then that I am so aware of my utter need for Him and my inability to control my life. Thank God for this promise: "It is the LORD who goes before you. He will be with you; he will not leave you or forsake you. Do not fear or be dismayed" (Deuteronomy 31:8).

For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother's womb. I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well. My frame was not hidden from you, when I was being made in secret, intricately woven in the depths of the earth. Your eyes saw my unformed substance, in your book were written, every one of them, the days that were formed for me, when as yet there was none of them. How precious to me are your thoughts, O God! How vast is the sum of them! If I would count them, they are more than the sand. I awake, and I am still with you.

Man is God's crowning creation, and He formed each one of us, individually and exactly. God makes no mistakes. He put this mess of red curls on my head that for years was the bane of my existence (not to be dramatic or anything); He gave me this "peach" skin that so very clearly labels me as a foreigner in a Haitian marketplace. He made me exactly the way He wanted, and who am I to argue with Him or complain about that? (Though, admittedly, I've done just that on many occasions.) The point is, though, that no matter what I look like, no matter what I am or am not able to do, I am fearfully and wonderfully made by the Creator of the Universe. What's more, He's written the very days of my life in His book, every.single.one of them. How then can I justify worrying about my future, when God's already got it all planned out? Silly me for thinking that over-thinking is going to get me anywhere; my times are in His hands (Psalm 31:15)!

O that you would slay the wicked, O God! O men of blood, depart from me! They speak against you with malicious intent; your enemies take your name in vain! Do I not hate those who hate you, O LORD? And do I not loathe those who rise up against you? I hate them with complete hatred; I count them my enemies. Search me, O God, and know my heart! Try me and know my thoughts! And see if there be any grievous way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting!

The title of Chris's sermon on this psalm is "Celebrating the Power and Presence of God". He made the statement that when we do this (celebrate), we are able to deepen in God's love and reflect His holiness. And as this happens, we become increasingly uncomfortable with the sin in our lives (which God reveals to us in order that we may repent); we also grow to hate the evil in the world around us and to desire that those who have not yet been saved would come to "know Christ and the power of His resurrection" (Philippians 3:10). Our desire is that Christ would be exalted and God thereby glorified.

Anyway, those are just some thoughts based on the notes I took while listening to this sermon again this morning (in preparation for church tonight, since tonight's text is, in fact, Psalm 139). Chris explains it all much better, though; feel free to listen to the sermon here. :)