overflowing with gratitude

111. Encouraging conversations via text with a faraway friend, celebrating God's faithfulness even in the midst of difficult circumstances.

112. Attending Breakaway for the first time and getting to hear Afshin Ziafat speak.

113. A fun morning at U Paint It with a friend from church.

114. That Lina's surgery went so well! She is already heading home (much earlier than expected)!

115. Living in a country where I have the privilege and the right to vote, without fear of persecution.

116. Late night visits with my dear friends, one night shivering over the ice cream we were crazy enough to eat, another night laughing over a stupid movie.

117. Cool weather = scarves and boots! (I mean, for Texas it's cool. But oh-so-lovely.) And. warm, cozy pajamas and lots of blankets to fall asleep under.

118. That my church is intentional about caring for orphans, both locally and around the world.

119. Laughter of children

120. The reminder that no matter the circumstance, no matter the trial, no matter how bogged down by sin we may be, as Christians, "our hope...is not a what, but a Who. The hope we wait for, our only hope, is the 'blessed hope -- the glorious appearing of our great God and Savior, Jesus Christ' (Titus 2:13) . . . It's all about Jesus."* What may seem utterly impossible -- what may BE utterly impossible for man -- is ENTIRELY possible with God. "Therefore...let us also lay aside every weight, and the sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy that was set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God."** Hallelujah!

* Joni Eareckson Tada, "A Lifetime of Wisdom" (I highly, highly, highly recommend this book!)

** Hebrews 12:1-2

Life lessons

I had a terrible day Friday; one of those oh-so-fun days when every little thing at work seemed to go wrong and when I felt like I just plain couldn't do anything right. I was (kindly) informed of several things that I should've done differently/better, I dropped everything I picked up, spilled everything I touched, and just couldn't quite get it together the entire day. Several miscommunications early on in the day added to my confusion and left me feeling frustrated and lacking control. To complete this downward spiral, I then took my negative emotions out on a friend. All in all, I was a horrid mess of negativity, and, though I knew that I needed to take every thought captive to obey Christ (rather than letting every little thing nearly leave me in tears), I still chose to dwell on my mistakes and frustrations. I just couldn't "let myself off the hook" for things not going smoothly. Because, along with over-thinking everything (which I blame on the engineer "gene" that runs on both sides of my family) . . .

. . . I am by nature a people-pleaser and a perfectionist and have always struggled with trying to live up to certain expectations which, a lot of the time, are probably self-imposed more than anything. When I fail to meet these expectations, then, I make myself miserable because I feel like I've let everyone down. Rather than finding my security in Christ and in the fact that I belong to Him, I look to people for affirmation and try to measure up to what I perceive their expectations to be. You'd think that I've been a Christian long enough to know better than this, but clearly this is something God is still working on with me.

Friday night as I was thinking back through my day and realizing how poorly I'd handled things, God started to connect the dots for me and to show me that such days can be valuable life lessons, if only I would quit being so self-absorbed and focusing on how bad I felt about things. Interestingly enough, several aspects of the awfulness which was Friday relate directly to topics that were discussed earlier in the week at both a women's meeting I went to at church and then at my Bible study a few days later: that of finding security in Christ, focusing on that which is pleasing to Him, and learning from mistakes but not dwelling there.

First of all, my worth is found in Christ, and I am complete in Him; I don't need to (nor should I) base my identity on what other people think or say about me. I love this quote from Elisabeth Elliot: "Where does your security lie? Is God your refuge, your hiding place, your stronghold, your shepherd, your counselor, your friend, your redeemer, your saviour, your guide? If He is, you don't need to search any further for security." And as John Piper points out, "God made us who we are so we could make known who He is. . .The meaning of our identity is that the excellency of God be seen in us." Therefore, what does it matter what other people think about me? Ultimately, it makes no difference whether or not anyone thinks I'm nice or pretty or can carry on a decent conversation; what matters is that in everything I say and do, I reflect Christ and bring glory to His name. I ought to echo Paul's statement in his letter to the Galatians: "Obviously, I'm not trying to win the approval of people but of God. If pleasing people were my goal, I would not be Christ's servant."

Second, my thoughts need to be on whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable -- these are the things on which I should focus, NOT on my frustrations or hurts or the faults of myself or others. Although there is a time and a place to deal with such things and to respond in a way that is pleasing to God, so often further problems could be avoided if I would remember all that God has done for me:

I will remember the deeds of the LORD;

yes, I will remember Your wonders of old.

I will ponder all Your work;

and meditate on Your mighty deeds.

Your way, O God, is holy.

What god is great like our God?

Psalm 77:11-13

Thirdly, and similarly, I cannot let myself dwell on my mistakes. When it is an issue of sin, I need to repent and, as appropriate, make amends, but I must not wallow in guilt. It is for freedom that Christ has set me free! In His incomprehensible love and mercy, Christ has forgiven me and remembers my sins no more. If He doesn't continue beating me over the head with reminders of my sins, who am I to dwell there? So, whether my failure is a sin or if it is merely an expectation that I didn't meet, I accomplish nothing by reminding myself over and over of how horrible I am. L.M. Montgomery wisely said, "We should regret our mistakes and learn from them, but never carry them forward into the future with us."

So, those are some of the lessons that I think God is trying to teach me out of my miserable Friday (likely there are more that I haven't realized yet). He truly does cause all things to work together for good for those who love Him and who are called according to His purpose; how amazing is it that He uses even the messes I make to teach me more about Himself and (if I learn these lessons) to make me more like Him! May I "grow in the grace and knowledge of our LORD and Savior Jesus Christ. To Him be the glory both now and to the day of eternity. Amen." 2 Peter 3: 18

What I Want is You!

"Even in my own life right now, I have been unable in the decision that I've got to make to say, 'This is what the Lord wants me to do.' But what the Spirit of God has unleashed in my heart is this prayer: 'I want You! And if You're in this marriage, and if You're in this opportunity, and if You're in this financial decision, and if You're in this job opportunity, and if You're in this place, that's where I want to be! What I want is You!'" (Matt Chandler)

I'm doing a book study this summer with two of my dearest friends, Sabrina and Everly, and we're going through Discipline: The Glad Surrender by Elisabeth Elliot. Today, despite quite a number of distractions going on around us in the coffeehouse where we met, we discussed the chapter entitled "A Sovereign God and

Man's Choice." The main idea throughout this chapter is that there are two wills--God's and ours--and that, though God is sovereignly in control of every imaginable detail of life and existence, He has "arranged things in such a way that His own action is coupled with the action of men." He allows us, sinful and broken as we are, "the dignity to act in freedom and thus to have a willed part in what He does." Not only does He give us a choice as to whether or not we will act in accordance with Him, but He ALLOWS us to do just that--be participants in the incredible (and eternal!) work He is doing in our lives, in the lives of those around us, and perhaps even in the lives of people we will never meet on this earth. That is truly mind-boggling if you really stop to think about it; as David said in Psalm 8:4, "What is man that You are mindful of him, and the son of man that You care for him?" Our all-powerful God, Creator of the universe, lets us be a part of His plan. Amazing.

Along with this, Sabrina, Everly and I got to talking about our tendency to get caught up in trying to see and figure out "the big picture" (i.e. God's grand plan/His will for our lives) to the neglect of the seemingly smaller and/or mundane things of life. Speaking for myself, I frequently find myself wondering what God's plan for me is--what I'm supposed to do with my life, where I'm supposed to go, whether or not I'll get married/have kids/live overseas, etc. While it's not wrong to think about these things and even consider them to some degree, the problem is that when I become so focused on that abstract Future and begin to obsess about figuring out what God wants me to do, I quickly forget that He's already TOLD me what to do. I am to be faithful in my day-to-day life to seek Him and to obey His Word. I am to love the LORD my God with all my heart and with all my soul and with all my strength and with all my mind, and I am to love my neighbor as myself (Luke 10:27). It's really not as complicated as I tend to make it. I may not know right now what the future holds, but you know what? That's ok. If I am focusing on my relationship with God and being obedient in the daily "small" matters of life, the "grand plan" is being worked out within that. God is not trying to keep His will from me. Rather, He declares to us in Jeremiah 29:13-14a that "you will seek Me and find Me, when you seek Me with all your heart. I will be found by you." What a beautiful promise. And truly, what is better than that, than finding God? What else really matters? So regardless of where I am or what I'm doing, may I echo Matt Chandler's prayer: "If You're in this place, that's where I want to be! What I want is You!"