4 1/2 years with the green apron

Hard to believe, but it's been four-and-a-half years since I started working at Starbucks. I've barely ever lived in one city for that long at a time (and definitely have never gone that length of time without changing houses/apartments), yet here I've worked for this company for 54 whole months. Granted, I've worked at 5 different stores (one of them twice) in 4 different states and 5 different cities, but still. It's been good. Obviously the flexibility/transferability of this job has been a huge blessing with all of my moves. Also, I've met so many wonderful and fun people that I've been privileged to work with over the years, many of whom I consider friends, and I've had so many great experiences in each of these places. So, in commemoration of this "anniversary" of sorts, here are some photos from the three stores where I've been the longest: Archer Road in Gainesville (26 months altogether), North Park in Chicago (12 months) and Holleman/Texas (10 months and counting). I also worked at City Place in West Palm Beach for my first two months or so and in Alcoa, TN for about two months in 2008.

Archer Rd Part 1 (June 2006 - May 2007)

Chicago (June 2007 - June 2008)

Archer Rd Part 2 (October 2008 - November 2009)

Texas & Holleman (a.k.a. "The Happiest Place on Earth" - December 2009 - ??)

off-the-clock fun with coworkers

fun and tasty creations, courtesy of coworkers

(except for the whipped cream/caramel drizzle. That was me.)

Miscellaneous tidbits from my Starbucks experiences that are emerging from my oh-so-tired brain (and therefore are really quite random and probably not that interesting):

* Three of the eight managers I've had over the years at the various stores have been named Robert. Two of them even look alike.

* Consistently favorite drink: caramel macchiato

* Favorite coffee: Sumatra

* Store with highest percentage of amazing customers: Archer Rd

* Memorable quote, even years later: "It is what it is!" -- Gina D. (Thank you, that was brilliant.) :)

* Least favorite product: matcha powder. gross.

* Favorite Starbucks romance: Ryan and Gina :)

* Coworkers who most frequently made me roll my eyes: Tim and Leslie

* Coworker who's played the "meanest" trick on me: Sir Robert of the Green Shirt

* Best cup-decorator and caramel-designer ever: Aja

* Store with the least amount of drama: Texas & Holleman

* Another random fact: I didn't get my first brand-new Starbucks apron until I was in my third year (see above photo)

* Store with the best/worst tips: City Place/Texas & Holleman

* Store where I've been given the most nicknames: Texas & Holleman

* Most-recently-discovered yummy flavor combination: cinnamon dolce with pumpkin spice (Aja's ingenious idea!)

* Store where I've clopened the most: Texas & Holleman

* Store where I had the most consistent schedule: Archer (opens!)

* Store closest to where I lived: North Park

* Store where I have sustained the strangest injuries: Texas & Holleman

* Favorite Starbucks pastry: cinnamon swirl coffee cake (and the chocolate chip cookie. warmed up.)

* Favorite drink to make: iced caramel macchiato

* Least favorite drink to make: green tea latte (and at Christmas, eggnog latte)

* Favorite Starbucks utensil name: spoodle

* Newest store I've worked at: North Park (helped open it!)

* Oldest store I've worked at: Texas & Holleman

Edit (4/4/11): Texas & Holleman may have now bumped Archer out of its first-place position for best customers, most likely because so many of my customers are now people from my amazing church... And my current pastry addiction is the cranberry orange scone. Exciting, yeah?

fifty-one to sixty

51. Cooler weather (the high today is only 79, and it's a beautiful 58 degrees out at the moment!)

52. The ability to laugh at myself

53. That God can and does use even me (yeah, crazy!) to accomplish His purposes for His glory--in spite of my ignorance and ineptitude!

54. Multiple opportunities recently to share the reason for the Hope that is in me

55. That even though I wish I myself were in Haiti, I can at least read stories from those who are.

56. Girl time with the lovely Sabrina, Everly, and Birdie which involved chocolate (of course) and finally getting to watch Letters to Juliet again.

57. This book, which Sabrina, Everly, and I used for our summer book study (though summer has turned into fall and we still have a final meeting left).

58. Swinging in the twilight on a cool autumn evening.

59. That I have no guilt in life, no fear in death (this is the power of Christ in me) / From life's first cry to final breath, JESUS COMMANDS MY DESTINY!

60. For my "Texas family", my church, several of my coworkers, my "flogos" Bible study group -- all those God has put in my life who encourage me and challenge me to grow in my faith and in my walk with Him.

September flashback

Photos from September 2009:

just 'afore Paul moved to Texas

typical, in so many ways :)

Birdie and me

He clearly thoroughly enjoyed his visit to Forever21

sportin' our oh-so-cool shades from Forever21

aren't they the cutest?

me and Jubilee

oh how I love these two

my pseudo-uncle and aunt

leaving to fly back to Florida;

little did I know that the next time I was in Texas, I'd live there!

Of klutziness and caramel frappuccinos

I am an utter klutz. If there is something in the general vicinity of my feet, you can be fairly sure I'll trip on it. If anything has the potential to be spilled, it's almost guaranteed that I'll do just that. All items with which I come into contact that are the least bit hazardous will undoubtedly leave me scratched, bruised, or in some other way injured.

It's nearly inevitable these days, and I'm not really sure why. You'd think that accident-proneness would be something you'd grow out of as you age; instead, in my case, I seem to be growing more and more into it. I really don't remember being a klutz when I was younger, but there is no questioning the fact that I am one now. And my klutziness tends to lead to such funny/ridiculous/strange mishaps, too -- ones that you wouldn't hardly think possible, yet, because they happen to me, are hardly surprising.

Such as the frappuccino incident of last week... I work at Starbucks, and last Wednesday, about an hour before close, we got really busy. There were only two of us working, and I had a line of about 15 drinks on my bar (with a line of customers to the door who were still waiting to order). Needless to say, I was trying to move as quickly as possible to get all those drinks made and all the customers happily back out the door. All was going surprisingly smoothly...until I came to one particular caramel frappuccino that, though seemingly innocent, was actually a little fiend in sweet, sticky disguise. Ok, so, that may be a bit dramatic, but still. Beware of the Caramel.

Anyway. Back to my story. After putting all of the ingredients for this particular frappuccino into the blender pitcher, as I was reaching for the lid, I somehow managed to splash the pre-blended frappuccino up my nose, across my face, and into my ear (where I could feel it trickling down and puddling). Gross. And ridiculous. I mean, seriously; who in the world manages to spill something in their ear? Clearly, I am a very "talented" klutz.

However, I didn't have time to reflect on the incident at the time, as I still needed to blend that particular frappuccino (minus the portion that was in my ear) and knock out the rest of the drinks on my bar. Which I did, and to my immense relief, there were no further mishaps during the remainder of the night.

When I got home, though, I could still feel the sloshing of the frappuccino in my ear, so I decided to try to rinse it out with eardrops. Didn't work. Nor did my subsequent attempts with Qtips, rubbing alcohol, water, and more eardrops. So for the next nearly-48 hours, I had a very plugged-up ear, out of which I could hear very little. Most of the time it felt like it just needed to pop, like when you're on an airplane. But no amount of yawning or chewing gum achieved this, either. I felt like I was hearing everything from inside a tunnel, which was rather disorienting and incredibly distracting. All this because of a silly frappuccino.

Finally, Friday night, my pseudo-uncle, who is a doctor, looked at my ear and discovered that there was quite a simple solution to my dilemma: all he had to do was flush my ear out with a syringe of warm water. Such a relief; within moments, my ear felt normal again, and it was amazing how clear everything sounded! Though this was a bit of an anti-climactic ending to my ridiculous "injury", I was (and am) so very glad to have that over and done! If nothing else, I've certainly gained from this experience a deeper appreciation for my sense of hearing, a wariness of frappuccinos, and, perhaps, a greater realization of the ridiculous possibilities that come with being a klutz. All I can do is shake my head and laugh. Oh, Beth...

August in review (yes, I realize September is already almost over)

Starbucks game/movie night with my fabulous coworkers

Joey's birthday

Paul and I took a day trip to the Guadeloupe River

love these girls!

miscellaneous moments at Eyrie Park

my birthday

Jack Johnson concert!!!

so thankful

41. My wonderful church, and the opportunity to connect with other women and be taught during the semi-quarterly LifeGivers meeting.

42. A surprise gift of flowers from a friend, just to say thank you.

43. A cute card and fun letter from a dear friend.

44. The opportunity to go to my first college football game ever.

45. The fact that God teaches me even through yucky days and miserable failures.

46. The wit and wisdom of Elisabeth Elliot (and her newest-to-me book, which is already one of my favorites).

47. Getting to sleep in today!

48. The Bible study that my "flogos" group is starting to go through on this passage; I am really excited about this!

49. Beautifully expressed words of wisdom from a friend, and the fact that God seems to be teaching both of us the same thing right now.

50. Raspberry peach cobbler.

Life lessons

I had a terrible day Friday; one of those oh-so-fun days when every little thing at work seemed to go wrong and when I felt like I just plain couldn't do anything right. I was (kindly) informed of several things that I should've done differently/better, I dropped everything I picked up, spilled everything I touched, and just couldn't quite get it together the entire day. Several miscommunications early on in the day added to my confusion and left me feeling frustrated and lacking control. To complete this downward spiral, I then took my negative emotions out on a friend. All in all, I was a horrid mess of negativity, and, though I knew that I needed to take every thought captive to obey Christ (rather than letting every little thing nearly leave me in tears), I still chose to dwell on my mistakes and frustrations. I just couldn't "let myself off the hook" for things not going smoothly. Because, along with over-thinking everything (which I blame on the engineer "gene" that runs on both sides of my family) . . .

. . . I am by nature a people-pleaser and a perfectionist and have always struggled with trying to live up to certain expectations which, a lot of the time, are probably self-imposed more than anything. When I fail to meet these expectations, then, I make myself miserable because I feel like I've let everyone down. Rather than finding my security in Christ and in the fact that I belong to Him, I look to people for affirmation and try to measure up to what I perceive their expectations to be. You'd think that I've been a Christian long enough to know better than this, but clearly this is something God is still working on with me.

Friday night as I was thinking back through my day and realizing how poorly I'd handled things, God started to connect the dots for me and to show me that such days can be valuable life lessons, if only I would quit being so self-absorbed and focusing on how bad I felt about things. Interestingly enough, several aspects of the awfulness which was Friday relate directly to topics that were discussed earlier in the week at both a women's meeting I went to at church and then at my Bible study a few days later: that of finding security in Christ, focusing on that which is pleasing to Him, and learning from mistakes but not dwelling there.

First of all, my worth is found in Christ, and I am complete in Him; I don't need to (nor should I) base my identity on what other people think or say about me. I love this quote from Elisabeth Elliot: "Where does your security lie? Is God your refuge, your hiding place, your stronghold, your shepherd, your counselor, your friend, your redeemer, your saviour, your guide? If He is, you don't need to search any further for security." And as John Piper points out, "God made us who we are so we could make known who He is. . .The meaning of our identity is that the excellency of God be seen in us." Therefore, what does it matter what other people think about me? Ultimately, it makes no difference whether or not anyone thinks I'm nice or pretty or can carry on a decent conversation; what matters is that in everything I say and do, I reflect Christ and bring glory to His name. I ought to echo Paul's statement in his letter to the Galatians: "Obviously, I'm not trying to win the approval of people but of God. If pleasing people were my goal, I would not be Christ's servant."

Second, my thoughts need to be on whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable -- these are the things on which I should focus, NOT on my frustrations or hurts or the faults of myself or others. Although there is a time and a place to deal with such things and to respond in a way that is pleasing to God, so often further problems could be avoided if I would remember all that God has done for me:

I will remember the deeds of the LORD;

yes, I will remember Your wonders of old.

I will ponder all Your work;

and meditate on Your mighty deeds.

Your way, O God, is holy.

What god is great like our God?

Psalm 77:11-13

Thirdly, and similarly, I cannot let myself dwell on my mistakes. When it is an issue of sin, I need to repent and, as appropriate, make amends, but I must not wallow in guilt. It is for freedom that Christ has set me free! In His incomprehensible love and mercy, Christ has forgiven me and remembers my sins no more. If He doesn't continue beating me over the head with reminders of my sins, who am I to dwell there? So, whether my failure is a sin or if it is merely an expectation that I didn't meet, I accomplish nothing by reminding myself over and over of how horrible I am. L.M. Montgomery wisely said, "We should regret our mistakes and learn from them, but never carry them forward into the future with us."

So, those are some of the lessons that I think God is trying to teach me out of my miserable Friday (likely there are more that I haven't realized yet). He truly does cause all things to work together for good for those who love Him and who are called according to His purpose; how amazing is it that He uses even the messes I make to teach me more about Himself and (if I learn these lessons) to make me more like Him! May I "grow in the grace and knowledge of our LORD and Savior Jesus Christ. To Him be the glory both now and to the day of eternity. Amen." 2 Peter 3: 18

A thankful heart

The unthankful heart discovers no mercies; but the thankful heart will find, in every hour, some heavenly blessings.
-- Henry Ward Beecher

31. I watched The Sound of Music last week for the first time since I was a child. Loved the movie growing up, love it even more now!

32. Big powerful thunderstorms.

33. Wonderful time spent assisting my dear chef friend Sabrina make fajitas on a blustery afternoon.

34. My first close as a shift supervisor went way better and more smoothly than I'd expected, thanks to having great coworkers. I cannot express the immense relief of having made it through this "first"!

35. Oatmeal chocolate chip cookie dough

36. A long-overdue meeting with Sabrina and Everly for our book study

37. A super-cute and sweet card from Birdie

38. Proof that chivalry does still exist.

39. Lots of opportunities this week to bake!

40. For God's "comfort in affliction", and for reminders from several sources of how to minister to those who are suffering.

(1-10) (11-20) (21-30)

Some favorite quotes

I recently discovered goodreads.com, which contains a plethora of fantastic quotes. Here are some of my favorites that I've come across whilst browsing the site:

"To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything and your heart will be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact you must give it to no one, not even an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements. Lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket, safe, dark, motionless, airless, it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. To love is to be vulnerable."
— C.S. Lewis

"Stay is a charming word in a friend's vocabulary."
— Louisa May Alcott

"There is nothing better than a friend, unless it is a friend with chocolate."
— Charles Dickens

"Friendship, said Christopher Robin, is a very comforting thing to have."
— A.A. Milne

"The unending paradox is that we do learn through pain."
— Madeleine L'Engle

"Among those whom I like or admire, I can find no common denominator, but among those whom I love, I can: all of them make me laugh. "
— Wystan Hugh Auden

"When one door of happiness closes, another opens; but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one which has been opened for us."
— Helen Keller

"There was a boy called Eustace Clarence Scrubb, and he almost deserved it."
— C.S. Lewis

"But God is the God of the waves and the billows, and they are still His when they come over us; and again and again we have proved that the overwhelming thing does not overwhelm. Once more by His interposition deliverance came. We were cast down, but not destroyed."
— Amy Carmichael

"["All the paths of the Lord are mercy and truth unto such as keep his covenant."] The original Hebrew word that has been translated "paths" means "well-worn roads' or "wheel tracks," such ruts as wagons make when they go down our green roads in wet weather and sink in up to the axles. God's ways are at times like heavy wagon tracks that cut deep into our souls, yet all of them are merciful."
— Charles H. Spurgeon

"I'm sorry I wrote you such a long letter; I didn't have time to write a short one."
— Blaise Pascal

"It is often in the darkest
skies that we see the
brightest stars."
— Richard Evans

"Nothing can match the treasure of common memories, of trials endured together, of quarrels and reconciliations and generous emotions. It is idle, having planted an acorn in the morning, to expect that afternoon to sit in the shade of the oak."
— Antoine de Saint-Exupéry

"The real things haven't changed. It is still best to be honest and truthful; to make the most of what we have; to be happy with simple pleasures; and have courage when things go wrong."
— Laura Ingalls Wilder

21-30

(1-10) (11-20)

21. Encouraging cards (of both the electronic and the paper variety) from dear friends, and unexpected but encouraging phone calls

22. Our very own wireless internet at our apartment (no more huddling by the window trying to catch the one non-password-protected network near our building!); seriously, it is a beautiful thing to be able to sit at my desk and type this!

23. French-pressed Anniversary Blend

24. A lovely Sunday afternoon of cookies and movie-watching with Paul, Everly, and Birdie.

25. My rearranged (and currently quite clean) room; there's just something therapeutic about changing the layout of my room from time to time (yes, I am strange).

26. Prayers of friends, and their patience with me in all of my emotional ups and downs

27. Surviving (andsurprisinglymostlyenjoying) week one of (sort of) being a shift supervisor at work

28. The anticipation of new-to-me old books coming soon in the mail, wrapped in brown paper and tied with a string (how fun is that!)

29. The steadfast love of the LORD never ceases; His mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is Your faithfulness. "The LORD is my portion," says my soul, "therefore I will hope in Him." (Lamentations 3:22-24)

30. 23 years with my wonderful, selfless, giving, loving, amazing, beautiful, godly, incredible mother, who is now in heaven with Jesus

Vulnerable, for what it's worth

my family - December 2006

On this eve of the second anniversary of my mom's death, I don't know what I'm feeling. Or how to feel. Or something. Or nothing. (Don't mind me; I know I'm not making sense.) Three hours ago, I left church nearly in tears. Right now I'm dry-eyed and emotionally flat. I "feel" like I should feel something, like I should be able to muster up some sort of emotion, but I can't. Not that I want to make myself feel some sort of fake sadness, but surely there's something there somewhere; how could there not be? But the nearly-overwhelming grief of a few hours ago has disappeared, which, though, in a way, is a relief, is also unsettling. Why can't I feel anything?

Yet this has been the trend over the last 24 months of my life; sometimes I miss my mom so much I can't hardly breathe, and then other times --even mere moments later-- I'm as unemotional as if this had happened to someone else entirely. I have yet to get over the surreality of losing my mom; much of the time it really does just seem like I'm in someone else's dream or, worse yet, that she was never here in the first place and life has always been as it is. Maybe that's why I usually hate talking about this; it forces me to admit that that part of my life is over -- the part when I talked to my mom every day, regardless of whether we were in the same town or whether I lived 1,000 miles away; the part when regardless of what I was facing or what decision I had to make, she was there to encourage and support me; the part when I always knew that no matter what, my mom loved me and was praying for me. For 23 years and 11 days, she was there for me. And then, all of a sudden and without warning, she was gone.

Coping now, or going on, or whatever you want to call it, can be so paradoxical: most of the time, though I'm not necessarily thinking about it, I know that she's gone; other times, I'll pull a card out of my mailbox and think, for a fleeting moment, that it's from her. Most of the time, I can function like a fairly normal human being; other days, I nearly fall apart over nothing (my sincere apologies to any who witnessed the greater frequency of this a few weeks ago). I don't know if this is normal, or if I just keep going back and forth between under- and over-reacting, or what. What further complicates things (though it probably wouldn't, if I could just manage to not over-think everything) is these times when my emotions don't correspond with how I think I should be feeling and then I wonder how people will view it (as if that truly mattered) if I'm happy on a day that I "should" be sad, or vice-versa.

I don't really know why I'm writing this, besides, perhaps, to attempt to sort out and explain my tangled thoughts. I would much rather write --and post-- something cheerful and positive and uplifting (certainly not something such as this that leaves me so very vulnerable), but at the moment, that wouldn't be real. And I'm tired of pretending that everything's always ok. A lot of the time it is; sometimes, though, it's not. And other times, like right now, I don't really know what it is; it just is.

Anyway, if you've managed to read this far, even if (likely) my ramblings made no sense to you whatsoever, I would appreciate prayers for myself and for my family, particularly tomorrow, as we remember my mom and celebrate her beautiful life. Thanks to all who have already been praying and encouraging and who have just been there to give a hug or to listen or to "weep with those who weep." I love you all and appreciate you so very much.

He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away. (Revelation 21:4)