photo update

Roseline

Agathe teaching on introducing solids

Mickey

Melissa and her newest namesake

Jude and Jean Daniel

my Christina

Lovely and her doll from Carly :)

Agathe and Beth welcoming new women
to the prenatal program

what I looked like after my first trek
through Clercine "lake"

the first few days

we're in Haiti! together!

I have a ridiculous problem when it comes to blogging about ongoing events/trips: I tend to start writing, go way too in-depth, get overwhelmed with how much [I think] is still left to write about, give up for awhile, try again the next day (by which time I'm even farther behind), give up again, try again (again), etc, etc.  Sometimes I manage to finish and get these posts up on the blog...sometimes not so much.  The latter appears to be the case for the post that I started writing on Friday...continued on Saturday and Sunday...looked at on Monday...and am giving up on today.  If anyone really cares about all the little details of our journey to Haiti, I'll email it to you.  But for everyone else (and so that I actually post something), how about a much shorter (yes, believe it or not, this is shorter), less detailed update:

thursday/friday

shortly after arriving in FLL

- Paul and I left CS around 3pm and arrived in Fort Lauderdale at 1am ET.  We "slept" (ha) for the next 4 hours on benches in a freezing cold baggage claim.  Shortly after 5am, we headed over to another terminal to re-check our bags for our flight to Haiti...only to be told that we were too late; check-in had closed for that flight.  Yes, we did indeed manage to miss a flight when we'd already been at the airport for multiple hours. Embarrassing, and rather disappointing, to say the least.  We were then put on stand-by for the next flight, which was at 1:45pm.  Fortunately, that was a pretty empty flight, so we didn't have any trouble getting seats.
- We landed in Haiti at 3:30 and actually had a very easy airport experience, for Port au Prince.  Immigration and customs were both easy, we found our bags quickly, and we didn't have much trouble with red caps wanting to "help".  And as soon as we got out of the airport and made it down the long walkway, we saw Asher (Heartline's current driver) waiting for us.  All in all, one of the most painless PAP airport experiences I've ever had.
- When we got to Heartline's guesthouse (run by the fantastic Ryan and Melissa), we discovered that we were the only guests for the night (for the next several nights, actually). We spent that evening at Ryan and Melissa's new apartment playing a hilarious game with several other Heartline-associated people, which was a lot of fun.

saturday

Petionville (this photo's for you, Everly!)

- Paul and I met up with our friend Jenny, who was kind enough to come into Port from Grand Goave so that we could see her.  We didn't really have any sort of plan for what we'd do once we met up, but after a bit of discussion we decided to taptap up toward Petionville and find somewhere for lunch.  We ended up at Muncheez and had just enough time to enjoy some pizza before heading back down to the place where Jenny was meeting up with another friend to go back out to Grand Goave.  Though we spent most of our time together in transit, it was fun to get to see Jenny again and catch up a bit.
- After we left Jenny with her friend, Paul and I decided to walk over to Notre Maison.  Normal people probably would have taptapped, but we walked.  It really wasn't that far, and it didn't really seem worth the hassle to take three different taptaps just to go a couple of miles.  Plus it was fairly overcast and relatively cool, so it wasn't bad.

with my Ti Nina

- We were able to spend about an hour at the orphanage before we needed to head back to the guesthouse.  It was so good to see the kids again!  I may or may not have held my Ti Nina the entire time (while visiting with the other kids, too, of course)!  It was kind of strange to be there for such a short time and then leave, but at least I knew I would be back.
- The most exciting adventure of the day occurred right before we got back to the guesthouse...  Clercine Road, which leads to the neighborhood where the guesthouse is, has some major flooding going on, especially right around the neighborhood entrance.  This means that getting in and out is rather difficult, as going through on foot is not ideal, and a lot of vehicles are too low to successfully make it through the "lake" (maybe "river" would be more accurate--it has a current, after all).  So I wasn't sure if we'd be able to get a ride into the neighborhood.  I ended up asking one of the motorcycle taptap drivers if he could take us in, and he said yes.  We hopped on, and off we drove toward the lake/river.  When we got to the edge of the worst part, he stopped, and I was sure he was going to say we had to get off and walk the rest of the way.  But after a minute, he kept going...right into and then through the murky/disgusting/don't-want-to-think-about-what's-in-there water.  It was pretty epic.  And it was also Paul's first time on a motorcycle.

a view of the Clercine lake/river from
the neighborhood entrance

sunday
- We started out the day by going to the first service at Port au Prince Fellowship.  Originally the plan was for Paul to leave from church to go to Cazale to work with Real Hope for Haiti for the week, but it ended up working better for them to pick him up from the guesthouse later in the afternoon.  After we got back from church, we pretty much spent the next few hours just sitting around reading, which was super strange but super nice after how hectic the past several months have been (especially for Paul).  As great as the concept of "rest" sounds, it can be surprisingly hard to actually put that into practice when given the opportunity!  I'm so used to always being busy or having things to do that just sitting still was a bit hard.  But it was definitely a gift to have that time where I literally had nothing I needed to do, so gradually I was able to enjoy and appreciate it :)
- Later that evening, Melissa came over, and she, Allison, and Asher taught me how to play Monopoly Deal, which may not won't likely end up on my list of favorite games, but it was fun nonetheless.  Maybe if I were more competitive...

to be continued with monday and tuesday...

Thanks to all of you who are praying!

happy mother's day, Mom.

we love and miss you.

Happy International Day of the Midwife

from the International Confederation of Midwives

World Health Organization (WHO): 

Every year 358 000 women and 3.6 million newborn babies die due to largely preventable complications during pregnancy, childbirth and the postnatal period. In addition, every year, nearly 3 million babies are stillborn. Most of these deaths occur in low-income countries and happen because women – often poor and marginalized – have no access to functioning health facilities or to qualified health professionals, notably midwives and others with midwifery skills. 

Among the 38 countries most desperately in need of midwives, 22 need to double the workforce by 2015; seven need to triple or quadruple it; and nine countries - Cameroon, Chad, Ethiopia, Guinea, Haiti, Niger, Sierra Leone, Somalia, Sudan - need to dramatically scale up midwifery by a factor of between 6 and 15.

UNFPA:

The probability that a woman will die from a maternal cause is 1 in 31 in sub-Saharan Africa compared with 1 in 4,300 in developed regions. The risk of stillbirth during labour for an African woman is 24 times higher  than for a woman in a high-income country.  A proficient, motivated and supported midwifery workforce is a major key to success in tackling this heavy toll of death and disability. The evidence is unanimous and clear: midwives and other health workers with midwifery competencies are essential to saving the lives of women and newborns. 

Seeing these stats, I am so incredibly thankful once again for the amazing work that the Lord is doing through Heartline in Haiti.  Lives are being changed.  Lives are being saved.  Check out their stats for 2011.  Amazing.


By contrast, this is an all-too-common birth experience in Haiti:

Most Haitian women give birth at home, attended by matrones — untrained birth attendants — most of whom arrive equipped with only a razor blade, a piece of string and Latex gloves. The result: more women die during childbirth in Haiti than in any other country in the Western Hemisphere. A lot more. For every 100,000 live births, 630 Haitian mothers perish — more than triple the number of mothers in Bolivia, which has the next-worst maternal mortality rate, at 200 per 100,000.  (Read more)

Want to learn more about what Heartline does and their heart for those they serve?  Here are just a few links:

The women in our program don't have to fight for follow-up care.  There is no armed security guard waiting at the gate for them to talk into allowing them to enter. They don't have to run their medical needs past any random stranger. They are treated with the dignity and respect that they deserve. They are greeted by other women that care about them and their story. (Read more)

Esther, a young girl in our program called that her water had broken.  We waited for labor.  While we did her blood pressure rose to dangerous levels, meds were started and she eventually delivered her baby with us.  She hemorrhaged after the birth.  More blood than I had ever seen at a birth.  We knew, she knew, both she and baby would have died if she had delivered at home.  We used many medicines, and highly skilled midwives saved her life. (Read more)

We care deeply about prenatal care and each woman's pregnancy and delivery.  We care even more about love.  We want our program and staff to client ratio to always allow us to get to know each woman fairly well by the time she is ready to deliver. We want each Thursday to be seen as an opportunity to invest time  in their lives, their stories, their pain and struggle. The very best and the very hardest part of the program is making time to truly hear from them and build relationships. (Read more)

born at the Heartline Maternity Center, October 2011

happy birthday, mr. monster!

may 3, 1991

Dear Paul,

I'm not really sure that I can put together the right words to tell you how thankful I am to have you as a brother, but I guess I'll try.  Since it's your 21st birthday and all.  Just this once ;)

From the time you were really little, it was already evident that the Lord had given you a caring heart and a willingness to serve others.  Even as a child and, for awhile, the youngest in the family, you were always helping out.  Now, at 21, you are one of the most compassionate people I know, and I love seeing the ways you live this out.  Whether you're working across the street in the ER or across the ocean in Haiti, you are always quick to do all you can to care for those in need.

september 2011

You also have a ridiculously awesome sense of humor and can always make me laugh.  Your goofy accents, splendiforously unique words, and willingness to just be downright silly to get a smile ensure that life is always more fun when you're around.

You exemplify I Timothy 4:12 so well: "Let no one despise you for your youth, but set the believers an example in speech, in conduct, in love, in faith, in purity."  The way you seek the Lord through His Word and your desire to honor Him in all that you do frequently remind me to do the same.

You build crazy amazing things.  Despite the fact that this is a newly discovered talent of yours, the incredible pergola/pallet swing in our backyard is evidence that you gotz skillz, yo.  (Sorry.  Couldn't resist.  Moving on.)

You are an incredibly hard worker (and always have been).  When you decide to do something, you do it wholeheartedly and don't give up.  Becoming EMT-certified your senior year of high school is just one example of many...

I could probably go on and on, but I think I can safely speak for everyone who's ever met you in saying that you're an amazing kid. (Shush. I don't care if you're 21.  I will call you a kid forever.)  I am super duper proud of you and am so incredibly blessed to have you as my brother.

I love you lots!!

may 3, 3012

Eight days and counting

Paul at RHFH (August 2011)

One week from tomorrow evening, Paul and I will start our journey back to Haiti.  This will be our first time traveling to Haiti together in nearly four years!!  Though we've each been back multiple times since that particular trip (sometimes even within a few weeks of each other), this is the first time that we've both been able to go at the same time in far too long, so I'm pretty excited about it.  We'll actually be going our separate ways on the third day of the trip, but it'll still be nice to travel together and to get to spend at least a few days in this place that we both love.

We'll be flying from Texas to South Florida on the 10th, spending what I'm sure will be a comfortable and restful night at the airport (<---sarcasm), and then arriving in Port au Prince in the morning on the 11th.  We'll both spend the first two nights of the trip at Heartline's fantastic guesthouse, and then on the 13th, Paul will head out to Cazale for the week to work with Real Hope for Haiti.  As I've done on my past two trips, I'm planning to split my time between Notre Maison and Heartline, though I will probably be spending more time at Heartline this time.  We'll fly back to South Florida on May 20th, and then we'll be renting a car and driving up to North Florida to visit our family for a few days before returning to Texas on the 22nd.  It's going to be a full 12 days (and I'm sure it'll all go by too fast)!

with baby Raphael at Heartline
(November 2011)

As always, we would greatly appreciate your prayers as we travel.  A few specific requests:

1. That we would joyfully, humbly, and selflessly serve those around us.
2. That the Lord would use this trip to teach us more about Himself and His heart for those in need.
3. For me, for wisdom in deciding when to be at Notre Maison and when to be at Heartline. I very much want to be both places the whole time, which obviously is not possible.  Since this is a shorter trip, I'm especially aware of time constraints.

Due to the craziness of the past few months, pretty much the only trip preparation I've managed to this point -- 8 days before we leave! -- is setting up the travel arrangements.  My boss and I had been planning to take advantage of Starbucks' month of community service in April to collect items for Heartline at our store, but unfortunately that ended up falling through.  So instead of already having suitcases full of donated items, I have...nothing.  Not the end of the world, because I can (and will) go buy as many of their requested items as possible, but if anyone is interested in helping me finance this, it would be greatly appreciated!  Click here to donate.

Again, thank you all for your prayers and encouragement and support.  I'll try to update as much as possible from Haiti!

of the whirlwind which has been recent life

How is it the end of April and I've only managed to post once since I got back from Haiti in February??  (Perhaps more shocking, I still haven't posted all the pictures from that trip...or my family's post-Christmas vacation, for that matter.)  Things have been pretty crazy for the past 6 months or so, and I guess blogging and picture posting have kind of "fallen by the wayside"...  So to the two or three of you who might have noticed (my guess would be Dad, Faith, and maybe Everly?), sorry!

Since my trip to Haiti last fall, things have been kind of a whirlwind -- deciding to pursue nurse-midwifery, looking into different schools, filling out applications, taking entrance exams, taking a class, attending a doula workshop -- and though it's been an exciting semester in the sense that I'm looking forward to what's to come, it's also been exhausting and somewhat overwhelming as I keep finding myself trying to go in too many directions at once...while still attempting to keep up with "regularly scheduled life".  I'm constantly having to remind myself to narrow my focus...to do what I need to do today...and to be okay with putting other things off until sometime later.

At this point in the [original] post, I debated about whether or not to include the following paragraph...  Much easier to leave it unwritten altogether, to skip over the "messy parts".  Easier, but less real.  And I'm not a fan of fake.  So, in the interest of being honest though somewhat vague, suffice it to say that the Lord has really been working in my heart over the past few months, both reminding me of past hurts that I haven't fully dealt with and, especially, revealing more and more the sinfulness of my heart and the ways I am failing to bring honor to His name.  Rather than trusting in Him and allowing Him to work in me, I've been relying on my own strength and my own efforts...which is completely and entirely ridiculous and does. not. work.  My rapidly diminishing patience and the reemergence of a quick temper (last seen when I was, oh, maybe 5) are proof of this.  And can I just say, Whirlwind (see previous paragraph) + Sinful Heart + Relying on Myself = Mega Mess.  The good side of it all, though, is that this is making me all the more aware of my need for forgiveness and grace--and oh so very grateful that I serve a God who IS forgiveness and grace.  And not only that, but even though my efforts to be patient or to be slow to anger or to do whatever constantly fail, all hope is not lost.  I love this quote from one of John MacArthur's sermons:

But how wonderful that our God works in us to accomplish His own good pleasure, to effect that which He demands. That's the glory of Christian living, that God calls us to obey and then God effects that obedience in us. God calls us to holiness and then effects that holiness in us. God calls us to serve and then mobilizes that service in us by His own power and presence. Your spiritual growth and your progress toward maturity and your sanctification and your moving toward Christ's likeness demands all that you are but it also demands all that God is in you. And that is the uniqueness of Christianity, Christ in you, the hope of glory. God taking up residence in the believer. And that is how we live our Christian life.

God calls...then God effects.  Not God calls...then I try really, really hard.  And not God calls...then I sit back and wait for something to happen.  But God calls, and as I move forward, looking to Him for guidance and strength, then He effects.

So there you have it.  This is not the direction I was originally intending this post to go; the plan was to say hey, look, I'm still here, and guess what? I'm going back to Haiti really soon!  But I guess that will be a post for another time (because I am really tired and definitely need to go to bed).  In the meantime, I always appreciate your prayers!

Where things stand

I know some of you are waiting for a recap of my time in Haiti (and for me to finally find time to post pictures on Facebook), and hopefully that post will get written (and pictures uploaded) at some point in the nearish future.  Right now, though, how about an update on where things stand school-wise...

how 'bout one picture to tide you over?  :)
Baby Raphael with big brother Emmanuel

Remember when I wrote about my decision to go back to school to become a nurse (and eventually, a nurse-midwife)?  Well, I've spent the past few months moving in that direction: researching schools, filling out applications, requesting transcripts, taking an admissions exam, and getting more advice and encouragement from the lovely ladies at Heartline.  It's been hectic, it's been stressful, it's been discouraging at times, but overall God has graciously given me a sense of peace by reminding me that He is working out the plans for my life.  He knows where I need to go, what I need to do, and how it's all going to happen, and even as I'm trying to "figure out" and prepare for this next step, I can trust Him to get me to where I need to be.  

Therefore...when I didn't do well on the last section of the admissions exam, thereby disqualifying myself for being considered for admission to one of my top two school picks...I had to let go of my disappointment, let go of the reasons why I wanted so very much to go to that school, and trust that the Lord, who knows so much better than I do what is best, holds my future.  Still, always, no matter what.

And when I discovered right before the start of this semester that I needed to take a few more classes for my other top pick and was scrambling to enroll for one of them at literally the very last minute, I finally realized I could do nothing else than to just trust that either I would get into the class I needed or I would not.  And if not, it would be okay, one way or another.  I got in, thanks to the willingness of an adviser to work late on a Friday afternoon on my behalf and to take me at my word that I had taken the prerequisite to that class, since my transcript had not shown up yet.  That was such a sweet reminder for me that the Lord is the one preparing the way for me.  I don't know what that "way" is yet (or at least, not entirely), and it may be far from what I'm expecting, who knows.  But rather than freaking out and thinking that I have to make everything come together, that I have to figure out where to go and what to do, I can seek the Lord and He will guide me.  I can't tell you how much comfort there is in knowing that.

Trust in the Lord with all your heart,

    and do not lean on your own understanding.

⁶ 

In all your ways acknowledge him,

    and he will make straight your paths.

⁷ 

Be not wise in your own eyes;

    fear the Lord, and turn away from evil.  

 So those are some of the lessons the Lord has been teaching me recently as I've begun (again) to pursue nursing.  So now, back to where things actually stand application/school-wise...

• I only ended up applying to two schools: Baylor's School of Nursing in Dallas (a BSN program) and Blinn College here in Bryan/College Station (an ADN program).
• Originally, I was only considering BSN programs, as I'll need a bachelor's degree to then pursue a master's in certified nurse-midwifery.  However, as I've looked into different options, talked to various people, considered the financial aspect of going back to school (and possibly moving again), and realized more and more how grateful I am for the community I have where I currently live, I've become more and more open to the idea of starting with the local ADN program.  Besides being the considerably less expensive option, it would also allow me to continue to be involved in my church here and in the relationships I've built over the past few years.  I also would get to continue to live with my hilarious and awesome brother, who is actually in his first semester of nursing school himself (hand-me down books?)*  :)  Additionally, since I've already taken all of the prerequisites for the bachelors degree, the RN to BSN program should take me only a year, during which time I can already be working as a nurse.  And since I have to have at least a year's experience before starting the masters program, it doesn't really add on any extra time.  All that to say, despite my initial refusal to consider Blinn on the basis of it "only" being an ADN program, in the last month it has very much become the option I am hoping for.  I won't, however, know until the end of May whether or not I've gotten in.  So we'll see :)
• With that said, I did find out this afternoon that I have been accepted into Baylor's nursing program.  I'm on the stand-by list for Fall, but if no openings come up before July, I'll be automatically admitted for Spring.  I had gotten to the point where I almost was hoping I would not get into Baylor so that I wouldn't have to make a decision before hearing back from Blinn, but the Lord's kindness in putting me on the stand-by list (and therefore giving me more time to decide) is such a gift.  I plan to accept the offer of admissions for now and will continue praying for wisdom to make the decision when the time comes.  Again, I'm hoping I get into Blinn and can stay here, but I also want to be open to other options in case the Lord seems to be leading elsewhere.

So all that to say, for you B/CSers who saw my Facebook status and are bemoaning the fact that I will no longer be around to make your coffee, don't start worrying yet; I may still be around awhile ;)  Thanks to those of you who have been so wonderful in sharing advice and encouraging and praying for me these past few months---I so appreciate each of you.  And continued prayers are very much welcomed as well :)

* Just kidding, Paul.  Kind of ;)

rooftop "photobooth"

I degaje'd* a photobooth on the roof of Notre Maison this afternoon, and though it didn't go as smoothly as I'd hoped (in large part due to the wind that kept pulling down the bedsheet "background" and made it difficult to hold up the props), all things considered, it was relatively successful.  I was hoping to be able to include more of the kids in this, but the wind brought things to a halt fairly quickly.  Maybe tomorrow I'll get brave and attempt this again in a less windy but more chaotic part of the house...

*degaje: to make do, to make it work

sometimes Haiti

with Fanie's son, about
an hour after his birth
(photo courtesy of Tara)

sometimes Haiti is miraculous

On Thursday, I showed up at the maternity center for prenatal day and was informed that one of the ladies was in labor---and would I be her doula?  Of course!  Fanie's labor progressed pretty quickly, and at 3:05pm, her beautiful baby boy was born.  I'm so thankful that I "just happened" to be there that day and that I was able to witness the miracle of birth once again.

sometimes Haiti is hilarious

On Tuesday, after child development class, 24 dead rats were discovered in a storage room, along with 5 live baby rats (approximately the size of large cockroaches, just much pinker).  Since rats are hardly the preferred occupants of the maternity center (prevalent though they are), the decision was made to drown the baby rats in the toilet.  In so doing, we made an observation that supports the theory that rats in Haiti are a "higher species"--- rather than dying quickly once submerged in urine/water, these rats managed to stay alive for at least a minute-and-a-half.  Maybe we're entertainment-deprived, but several of us crowded into the small bathroom to watch the rats succumb to their fate.  "Oh look, they're swimming!  That's kind of cute." (Beth McHoul) The rest of us were of a different opinion...  Melissa then commented that the rats are "so proliferative right now", which led to some very enlightening/amusing/disturbing googling of rat reproductivity...

sometimes Haiti is heartbreaking

I vaguely mentioned the other day how there are times when circumstances here can be so painful to see (and I can't even imagine what it must be like for those who are actually in the midst of them); Melissa wrote an amazing post on some of her experiences here that have caused her "heart to hurt".  Even in the past few days, I've learned of several unimaginably hard situations: a young mother whose baby was taken against her will and given to someone else to raise (and with the way things are in this country, she has very little power to be able to get him back); a young woman who is in the hospital tonight because her brother beat her badly and broke her arm; a family who lost several children in the earthquake recently lost another son; a mother whose five-year-old daughter died last year now has another daughter who is very sick.  Please pray for these people and for these heartbreaking situations.  Psalm 91

Mama Eman with her husband
and baby Raphael

sometimes Haiti is refreshing

On Wednesday I tagged along with Troy and Dokte Jen to visit Mama Eman and her family in Ti Guave.  It was so wonderful to see Mama Eman, Manu, and baby Raphael again and to meet her husband and daughter.  It was great to see the whole family together; they're so loving and fun.  It was refreshing for me to see a family interact the way they do; too often I see children neglected, women abused, families broken.  Visiting Mama Eman's family, though, was beautiful and encouraging. It also was fun to get out of Port au Prince and to get away from the city pollution; it's amazing how much easier it is to breathe out in the country!

sometimes Haiti is frustrating

...and if you've ever been here, you're probably thinking how much of an understatement that is.  From the terrible traffic/roads that make it impossible to get anywhere quickly to knowing when someone is telling you the truth, living/working in Haiti requires much patience and prayer.  And grace.  So much grace; how very much we all need it.  It's frustrating that it can take an hour to drive 6 miles.  It's frustrating that many people lie in order to get what they want (or to say what they think you want to hear).  It's frustrating that efficiency is often a foreign concept.  It's frustrating that many things that are accepted/practiced in this culture are not based on truth and are difficult to overcome.  Frustrating.  But not insurmountable.

sometimes Haiti is beautiful

Sitting on a motorcycle earlier coming back from church, I had a very good view of the city, the mountains, and the ocean all at once, and it was beautiful.  Yes, I rode past several collapsed buildings that have yet to be cleared, two years post-earthquake.  Yes, I saw people working so hard just to make a little bit of money to take home for their families.  Yes, I saw children begging in the street.  But I also saw people coming out of churches, laughing, knowing that God is their joy and their strength.  I saw people who have been through a terrible tragedy and yet are able to go on with their lives, one day at a time, hopeful for a better future.  I heard Ronald, my driver, say how sad it is that children in orphanages aren't able to be with their parents; he loves his four children very much and can't imagine living apart from them (this is a rare perspective in this place where too often children are sent off to live with relatives, friends, or in orphanages).  These things give me hope---hope that despite the pain and hunger and need, all is not lost.  There are Haitian churches coming together to help and encourage each other.  There are individuals who have little to call their own but who exemplify such faith and joy and gratitude to the Lord that is truly humbling (and convicting) to see.  There are ministries such as Heartline and the Apparent Project that are working to keep families together, by providing training in both life skills and in a trade.  God is at work here, and it is beautiful.

sometimes Haiti is home

Not long-term at this point, but I'm thankful for whatever time I get to spend here for now.  Haiti is irreversibly and inextricably part of my life, and for that, I am so thankful.  I cannot imagine what my life would look like had I never come to Haiti; it's so strange to even try to think about.  I love this place.  

everything beautiful in its time

I realized shortly after updating the other day that my usual "don't post anything until I've proofread it several times" rule for myself is a good idea...and that failing to abide by it with Thursday's post was not such a good idea.  I was tired and in a hurry to get it up before losing internet, but I realized shortly after posting it (at which point internet had disappeared and therefore I couldn't do anything about it), that it probably sounded a lot more negative/complainy* than was intended.  Sorry about that... I'll be sure to re-read this one 8 times before it goes up :)

Anyway, overall things are going well here (despite the following paragraph).  Internet access has been sporadic, and the times that it's been working, I've usually needed to use it for homework before doing anything else (lame), thus the lack of blogging.  That and the fact that I haven't quite figured out what to say...because honestly, for whatever reason, though I have been to Haiti more times than I can count and haven't experienced anything new thus far on this trip that I hadn't seen/heard/done even as little as two months ago, I've had a harder time readjusting to being here than I would have expected.  I'm thrilled to be here...thrilled to be back with the kids at Notre Maison and to get to see everyone at Heartline...but I think the Lord is increasingly opening my eyes to the many, many needs here.  Again, I'm not really sure why/how it's any different than any other time I've been here---none of these things that are "hitting me hard" this time are things I was unaware of in the past---but maybe the Lord is allowing me to feel more and more of the way He grieves for the injustice and pain that is in the world.  And though the past few days have been more difficult than I'd anticipated, I'm thankful---thankful for what the Lord has been showing and teaching me, and all the more thankful for the opportunity to be here and (by God's grace) to love these kids.

I started out today in Ecclesiastes, and 3:11 really stood out to me: "He has made everything beautiful in its time.  Also, He has put eternity into man's heart, yet so that he cannot find out what God has done from the beginning to the end."  I desperately needed that reminder this afternoon, that God DOES make everything beautiful in its time and that He is at work in ways even greater than I could ever imagine.

Some beautiful things from this past week (it is Monday, after all; the list must go on, even/especially in Haiti):

771. Sweet time with my Ti Nina.

772. Encouragement from Faith.

773. Getting to meet up with Jenny for lunch on Saturday, though it was way too short of a visit!

774. Seeing Lovely's face light up when I called for her to come upstairs to make a friendship bracelet.

775. This book; I don't usually read much while in Haiti, but I downloaded this to my Kindle app on Friday and finished it today.  The Lord has really used it to encourage and challenge me over the past few days; I highly recommend it!

776. A sweet gift of grace tonight in the form of kind words from one of the ladies here.

777. Roseline and Nathalie.

778. Fantastic weather; either this is unusual or I'd forgotten how nice it is in Haiti this time of year!

779. Successfully traveling across Port au Prince by myself to get to church.  For some reason taptapping intimidates me more now than it did when I was 18, but all went well  :)  I rode a motorcycle almost the entire way (which was not part of the original plan...); got there way faster, though!  Also had the interesting realization that I've only ever ridden a motorcycle when wearing a skirt, which can't be normal...

780. Spending time at Heartline on Friday (and heading there again tomorrow).

*new word.  Add it to your dictionary.

Quick update (from Haiti!)

This is her pensive face.

After a partially stressful but mostly uneventful day of travel, I arrived in Haiti yesterday afternoon.  The stressful part came at the very beginning, when I was told at the ticket counter when checking in for my first flight that I may have arrived too late to get on the plane (because, you know, I was flying out of the oh-so-busy mega airport which is Easterwood Airport, along with all of 23 other people).  Nonetheless, I headed through security (which was enlightening, as I learned that peanut butter is, in fact, a liquid--who knew!--and is therefore not allowed in carry-on luggage).  After my suitcase was ransacked and my peanut butter found

its new home in the security trash can, I walked all of ten feet to the gate and boarded the plane.  Too late to get on?  Nope (though I did probably break some sort of airline regulation in not arriving a full hour before the flight, so I'm thankful for the graciousness of whoever could have decided to be a stickler to the rule and keep me off the plane).  I was, however, fairly flustered by this point by the events of the preceding twenty minutes, so rather than being my usual introverted, don't-want-to-talk-to-the-passenger-in-the-seat-beside-me self, I actually went into Starbucks mode and ended up visiting almost the entire flight with an older gentleman who was on his way to Florida for a conference.

From that point on, things were fairly uneventful.  Once I got to Port au Prince, I made it through customs and found my suitcases in record time.  And for the first time ever, I made it all the way out of the airport without help (sans cart, too, because there were none left).  I suppose this is a matter of pride, but not in the way you might think if you've never been through the Port au Prince airport.  Typically Always there are people everywhere trying to "help" you with your luggage (whether you want/need help or not, though the chaos of the airport tends to make assistance seem necessary), and the fee expected for such assistance is generally quite ridiculous (and every single person who so much as touched your luggage wants paid).  Though I have very much in my favor the ability to speak Kreyol and to state that I don't need 8 men to push my 1 cart of luggage, I have never before managed to ward off all who want to help.  Now that I'm thinking

decorating

 about it, though, perhaps it was the very fact that I didn't have a cart that kept anyone from trying too hard to help me (I mean, who really wants to drag around 150 lbs of luggage without a cart? me, apparently.).  So anyway, I made it all the way outside of the airport fairly easily (though I am sooooooore today) and looked for my ride....which was nowhere to be found.  The minutes on my Haiti cell phone had expired, so I borrowed a phone from one of the airport workers to call Gertrude.  She said they were coming, and so I sat down and waited.

And waited.

And watched two more flights arrive.

And waited.

Finally, an hour later, Gertrude and several of the kids arrived.  Port au Prince traffic is normally a mess (to say the least), but yesterday it was absolute chaos, which is why it took them so long to get to me.  And to get back to the house, which is maybe 2 miles from the airport, it took probably at least thirty minutes.  So I was more than ready to get there and to see the kids!

When the gate to the orphanage opened for us to drive in, I heard my name being chanted by several of the kids.  So good to be back; I've missed them!  I found Christina right away and carried her around as I greeted all the other kids.  She is quite the talker now (though she's got her own language; it's not English or Kreyol!).  And she is, of course, still the cutest ever :)

I'm about to lose battery on my computer, so here's a quick summary of today:
- I spent the morning playing with the kids who don't go to school; Christina and I spent quite awhile with Roseline, who is a very sweet older girl who can't speak and spends her time in her wheelchair.  She has the most beautiful smile, and between me and Christina, we even had her laughing a few times.
- I got out the "sponge game" for the younger kids to play with this morning, and it was a huge hit.
- In the afternoon, I brought six of the kids upstairs (the only place to be able to have any sort of control/organized activity) to decorate the shower curtain "road map" mat.
- Later I had Wilberson and Mimose come up to play the matching game that Callie made; they loved it!

That'll have to be all for now.  Tomorrow I'm planning to go to Heartline in the morning.  Not sure when I'll be able to post again, but thanks for all your prayers!

grateful for everything

Oh what a week it's been!  So much going on, between the usual things that keep me busy and the additional things I somehow found time for throughout the week...plus getting ready for Haiti...  To say that life has been a bit of a whirlwind would be putting it mildly.  Exhausting (having trouble keeping my eyes open at this very moment) but fun---and oh so very worth it!  Grateful for so much that has happened over the past several days!  A quick recap:

761. Going to see Wicked in Austin with Paul!  I love, love, love this show.

762. Having the afternoon off the day after Wicked and being able to sleeeeeeep (since I only had time for 2 hours of sleep between getting home from the show and going to work).  I do not generally promote staying up all night and sleeping all afternoon...but in this case, it was worth it :)

763. Being able to wear my glasses when my eyes just really don't feel like dealing with contacts.

764. Hanging out with Megan and getting to know her better...I sense a kindred spirit :)

765. Spending time with Faith and Logan...always a highlight of my week when I'm able to see these two!

766. Dinner and Donovan and Sabrina's (a.k.a. the best cooks ever).

767. Impromptu Saturday night ice skating with my brother and several coworkers.  So much fun!!!

768. Visiting Sabrina at her new job.

769. A somewhat lazy yet still very productive day off.

770. Getting to see Jessica at church and again briefly at Starbucks during her 14 hours back in TX!

35 HOURS TIL I LEAVE FOR HAITI!!!!

hello, Tuesday

I guess the positive side of suddenly and irreversibly waking up at 2:15am (ahead of an already absurdly early wake-up time of 3:45am) is having time to be at least semi-productive before heading to work.  Normally I hop out of bed with just enough time to get [minimally] ready for the day before heading to work at 4:15.  Today, though, I've already washed my crockpot (which may or may not have still been soaking in the sink since I got home from church Sunday night...), answered several Facebook messages (this is a big deal; I am terrible at responding to Facebook messages...though trying to get better!), made coffee (VIA, but I still had to filter the water and heat it up...ok, fine, it took two minutes), made tea and retrieved ibuprofen for my brother who is not feeling well (pray for him; he's got a long day of nursing school today), and checked on the whereabouts of the textbook I'm hoping will arrive in the next few days.  Nothing like starting off a Tuesday with a spurt of productivity!  Here's to hoping I'm still equally awake and energetic at 10am!

761. Getting to see Julie and Sarah more that they're meeting at Starbucks every morning again.
762. An emotional but clarifying discussion on something I am passionate about.
763. Getting to spend time with Faith and Logan; love them!
764. Collecting things for Haiti (thanks to those who have donated!).
765. Donovan and Sabrina coming over for dinner and a movie.
766. Getting into a class that I need at literally the last minute.
767. Starbucks tuition reimbursement.  So thankful for this job and its amazing benefits!
768. Finishing Anne of Green Gables at Eyrie Park; such a sweet movie (though rather different from the book).
769. Beauty and the Beast with Sarah!
770. Unexpected encouragement.

Items for Heartline

I know I've already posted once about donating for my trip to Haiti (in 12 days! yay!), but Beth McHoul just posted on Facebook a list of items that Heartline is currently in need of, so in case anyone is still looking for an opportunity to give, I wanted to re-post her list here.  As with my other post, if you want to help, you have a few options:

1. Donate money for me to buy some of these items.

2. Purchase these items and get them to me by January 25th (give or take a few days; I just want to be sure I have everything together in plenty of time before I leave February 1st).  However, if you do plan to purchase anything, please let me know what you're getting so that I don't go out and buy the same thing :)  Thanks!

Here's Beth's list:

1. Pregnancy tests
2. Prenatal vitamins
3. Urine (UA) test strips (in bottles of 100 test strips)
4. New women's underwear: sizes 5, 6, 7, and 8
5. Extra large maxi pads (we especially need the extra-large size Depends-type pads that are approximately 6x10 inches)
6. Large maxi pads
7. New cloth diapers and new plastic diaper covers
8. Newborn size disposable diapers
9. New, basic (rubber/plastic) flip-flops (women's size 7-10), any colors
10. New toiletry supplies: small bottles of baby powder, large women's deodorant, large combs, medium size bottles of hand/bottle lotion
11. New washcloths and hand towels
12. Individual Gatorade packets and large canisters of Gatorade or Power-Ade powder
13. IV catheters: 18, 20, 22, and 24 gauge
14. 3M Durapore brand tape
15. New, durable metal or plastic water bottles (such as Nalgene)
16. New baby socks (size 0-6 months)

Note: A fellow Haiti-lover has let me know that she has already purchased new women's underwear, flipflops, large depends-type diapers, and nightgowns.  Since there's less of a need for these items, then, I'm going to try to focus more on some of the other things on the list.  But give as you feel led :)

And again, thank you so much for all of your generosity and support!

(For an important and thought-provoking post on donating to those in need, read this.)